Could some narcissism actually be healthy? Experts reveal the 6 surprising traits that could help you thrive
We tend to think of narcissism as entirely negative, but psychologists say there's a lesser-known side that's linked to resilience, confidence, and healthier relationships. Here's how to tell the difference between the two.
Amy Mica Marsden
Words: Amy Mica Marsden. Images: Shutterstock.
‘Narcissist’ is a word often used to describe the worst people we know – from egotistical bosses, passive-aggressive parents, controlling partners and more.
But did you know that not all narcissistic personality traits are bad? In fact, some could be beneficial to our lives and relationships. We asked clinical psychologist Maura Ferguson about the benefits of ‘healthy’ narcissism, and what to look out for.
What is ‘healthy’ narcissism?
‘We can think of narcissism as a spectrum from healthy/adaptive to unhealthy/pathological,’ explains Maura. ‘In a sense, we all need some measure of narcissism to have what would be called healthy self-esteem; to feel that we are special and of value.’
Maura points out a common misconception around pathological narcissism, in contrast with healthier, adaptive narcissism; ‘We can think of the problem with pathological narcissism less as an issue of self-love being the problem, but of rigidity and defensiveness.
‘Pathological narcissism is often, at its core, a deep sense of worthlessness that is disavowed. So pathological narcissism isn’t too much self-love — it’s too little stable self-worth, papered over.’
That’s why adaptive narcissism can be good for us; it stems from a stable sense of self-worth, instead of from insecurity and external validation. (For more about the traits of unhealthy narcissism, read What does “Narcissist” really mean?)
6 Traits of ‘healthy’ narcissism
According to Maura, there are six main traits to look out for when it comes to ‘healthy’ narcissism; any of these signs could positively impact your life.
- Realistic self-esteem that’s less dependent on external validation
Unlike maladaptive narcissism, which stems from insecurity and can lead to an inflated sense of self that feels threatened without validation, adaptive or ‘healthy’ narcissism is realistic and steady.
- Ambition tied to personal values rather than image
You may still have lofty goals, but they are more aligned with what you actually want for yourself in life, rather than tied to outward appearances or seeking recognition from peers
- The ability to feel comfortable being both special and ordinary
Maladaptive narcissists feel threatened by the ordinary and crave feeling special; adaptive narcissism is fine with both. ‘This may sound paradoxical, but the ability to hold complexity is really at the core of emotional well-being,’ adds Maura.
- Resilience to criticism and failure
One key trait of maladaptive or pathological narcissism is an inability to take criticism; they may become angry, destructive, or passive-aggressive when faced with their own failures. Healthy narcissism does not react in the same way.
- A stable sense of identity
The opposite of insecurity, those with healthy narcissistic traits feel secure in themselves and their identity; they do not feel the need to become something they aren’t, or prove themselves to others.
- The ability to rely on others
Finally, those with ‘healthy’ narcissism have no problem requiring and receiving help from others. Conversely, maladaptive narcissists may generally feel their sense of self-worth is threatened if they were to need help for anything.
Am I a narcissist (and is that a bad thing?)
It can feel uncomfortable to describe ourselves as narcissists, given the general preconceptions around the traits. But if you recognize yourself in the above ‘healthy’ narcissism traits, don’t worry – Maura thinks it is unlikely it will develop into unhealthy narcissism, except in extenuating circumstances.
She notes considerable trauma or long-term ‘invalidation or idealization (such as fame or an abusive relationship)’ as triggers for pathological narcissism; but these situations are rare.
Ultimately, feeling worried about whether you are an ‘unhealthy’ narcissist yourself may actually be one of the most solid indicators you are not.
‘People more pathologically narcissistic tend not to consciously worry about whether they are “the problem,”’ Maura explains.
‘A person who is genuinely pathologically narcissistic tends to think they are just fine and everybody else is the problem.
‘If this is a recurring concern, I would recommend that they consult with a licensed mental health clinician, as trying to self-diagnose can be confusing and harmful.’
