Are you always early for everything? The psychology behind punctuality – and why it could be fuelling your anxiety

Being on time is generally seen as a positive trait – but if you’re the person who arrives everywhere 20 or 30 minutes early, experts say there could be more going on than simply being organised

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If the mere thought of being late makes you anxious, you are certainly not alone.

I am so fastidious about time that I have lost count of the number of times I’ve arrived somewhere half an hour early. And don’t get me started on flights. I’m the woman who turns up an extra hour before the suggested check-in time – just in case there’s more traffic than usual, my Uber breaks down on the motorway or the queues at the airport are chaotic.

I have always joked that my obsession with being early is hereditary because my parents were – and still are – exactly the same.

And according to psychologist Professor Eli Kraiem, there could actually be some truth to that.

“An important motivator for arriving on time is early learning and family culture,” he explains. “Many of us have learned growing up that being late is disrespectful and that people who are always on time are polite.

“Families who emphasise achievement, discipline, or avoiding being late may unintentionally teach their children that timeliness is vitally important.”

For me, arriving early also provides a reassuring “buffer”.

If I leave plenty of time, there is less chance that anything unexpected can make me late. And according to Professor Kraiem, this desire to remove uncertainty can be a major reason why some people become chronic early arrivers.

“For some, arriving early to functions is a way to compulsively reduce uncertainty and anxiety related to the unknown,” he says.

“Being ten to fifteen minutes early to an event creates a buffer against all sorts of situations that may delay one’s arrival. It can also be a way to avoid social embarrassment or fear of letting others down.

“These motivations can create a safety behaviour wherein arriving early lowers anxiety, which reinforces the habit and results in a cycle of anxiety-reducing behaviours.”

In other words, if arriving 20 minutes early makes you feel calmer, your brain learns that being early equals safety – and encourages you to repeat the behaviour.

Professor Kraiem says research into uncertainty suggests that people who struggle with not knowing how events will unfold can be prone to over-preparing in other areas of their lives, too.

“The issue here isn’t being punctual with time but rather the discomfort of not knowing how events will unfold,” he says.

And while arriving early may sound harmless, it can have its downsides.

“For someone who feels intense distress if they are not early, it may be helpful for them to engage in exposure therapy to challenge those thoughts and feelings,” Professor Kraiem says.

“Ultimately, building excessive buffers to be on time can create burdens of their own, such as spending long periods of time waiting, avoiding spontaneity, and becoming very angry at friends who are not as punctual.”

Sadly, I can relate to all of that.

When being early becomes a safety behaviour

While some people equate always being early with being organised, conscientious and reliable, Lisa George, founder of Talk Tribeca Psychiatry in New York City, says it can sometimes be an anxious pattern.

“For some people, arriving early isn’t about the appointment itself, it’s actually more about avoiding the discomfort of uncertainty, disappointing other people, or feeling out of control,” she explains.

“When I’m looking at this with a patient, one of the questions I ask is, ‘If you were five minutes late, what are you afraid would happen?’

“The answer tells me a lot. People don’t usually say, ‘I’ll miss my appointment.’ I usually get something much deeper, like ‘I’ll look irresponsible’ or ‘everything will fall apart or unravel.’ That’s where the psychology becomes really interesting.”

George says the need to always be early can stem from several different factors, including perfectionism, anxiety, people-pleasing, ADHD or childhood experiences.

“If arriving 20 minutes early makes your anxiety go away, your brain says, ‘Perfect, do that again!’ Every time you arrive early and nothing bad happens, it feels like proof that leaving early and being on time was the reason.

“In reality, you’ve taught your brain that being late would have been dangerous – even though that’s not actually true.”

So how can you tell whether you’re simply a punctual person or whether anxiety is driving the behaviour?

George suggests asking yourself one simple question: Could you be late if you had to?

“If the answer is yes, it’s probably a personality trait,” she says.

“If the thought of being five minutes late makes your heart race or feels completely intolerable, it may be less about punctuality and more about anxiety.

“That’s when being early stops feeling like a preference and starts feeling like a safety behaviour that needs to be repeated.”

Why perfectionists can struggle with being late

Mental health counsellor Keisha Saunders-Waldron says she regularly sees chronic earliness among high-achieving clients.

“I’m someone who has sat across from enough high-achieving clients to tell you that chronic earliness is one of the most under-discussed ways anxiety shows up in my therapy room,” she says.

“We celebrate punctuality. We reward it. We call it discipline, professionalism and respect.

“What we don’t talk about is what may be underneath it for some people – the low hum of dread that starts hours before an appointment, the inability to be present in the moments leading up to an event because the brain is already managing every possible worst-case scenario about being late.”

Saunders-Waldron says she sees the pattern particularly frequently among high achievers and executives, where arriving early can become a way of creating a sense of control.

“When someone grows up in an environment where being late carried real emotional, relational, or even physical consequences, the nervous system often doesn’t forget that,” she explains.

“It learns to associate time with threat. Over time, arriving early can become the body’s version of exhaling: I got here before anything could go wrong. I am safe.”

Perfectionism, people-pleasing and fear of judgement can also play a part.

“They may find it difficult to tolerate the idea of inconveniencing someone – even by sixty seconds,” Saunders-Waldron says.

“For them, being early can become a pre-emptive apology. It quietly says, ‘I don’t want to disappoint you, so I’ll make sure I’m here before you even have to think about me.’”

But the very strategy designed to reduce anxiety can ultimately reinforce it.

“Now you’re sitting in a parking lot for twenty-five minutes, checking the time every ninety seconds, rehearsing conversations that haven’t happened yet and probably never will,” she says.

“You created extra time. The anxiety simply moved in and furnished the whole space.”

So should we stop trying to be early?

In my case, my obsession with being early has driven my husband mad throughout our 27-year marriage.

So what can I actually learn from all of this?

According to Saunders-Waldron, the answer isn’t to suddenly start arriving late.

Instead, it’s about understanding why being late feels so uncomfortable in the first place.

“What I tell clients is this: the goal isn’t to start being late,” she says.

“The goal is to get honest about what being late actually means to you.

“Because if running five minutes behind schedule feels like a moral failure – if it makes your chest tighten and your thoughts spiral – that’s the part worth exploring.

“Not everyone who arrives early is anxious. Some people are simply punctual by nature.

“But when punctuality feels less like a preference and more like a requirement for feeling safe, it’s worth getting curious about what’s driving it.”

And that, rather uncomfortably, pretty much sums me up.

Perhaps next time I’m sitting at the airport an hour before I need to be there, I’ll ask myself whether I’m being sensibly prepared – or simply trying to make sure nothing can possibly go wrong.

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll leave the house ten minutes later.