Is it cheating if you fall for someone in a video game? The new rules of emotional infidelity
As virtual worlds become increasingly social, the boundaries between gaming, flirting and emotional infidelity are becoming harder to define. But if you — or your partner — develop romantic feelings for someone you've met in a game, does it count as cheating?
Sally Saunders
It’s one thing to joke about your partner falling for a fictional video game character. With the internet debating whether dating Lucia in GTA VI constitutes cheating, OnlyFans star Skylar Mae has offered girlfriends some reassurance: “At least he’s not cheating in real life.”
But what if the person on the other side of the screen is very real?
Online gaming is no longer simply about completing missions or competing against strangers. Increasingly, virtual worlds are becoming social spaces where people meet, form friendships — and develop romantic connections.
New research from OneState, a mobile Social RolePlay game where up to 1,000 real players can share a virtual city, reveals that 89% of adults surveyed have formed a meaningful bond with someone they’ve met in a game, while one in three have experienced a romantic connection.
And not everyone considers this a betrayal. According to the research, 62% believe an in-game romance isn’t cheating as long as it’s out in the open, with half of those saying they don’t consider it cheating at all.
The debate is clearly striking a nerve, too. Google searches for ‘is it cheating if it’s in a game?’ have increased fivefold in the past month, while searches for ‘fall in love in a game’ have risen by 383%.
But according to registered psychotherapist Prudence Leung, the answer isn’t necessarily about whether the relationship happens in the real world or a virtual one. It’s about the agreements between partners.
So, can you cheat on your partner in a video game?
“Infidelity is a breach of the agreement that exists between you and your partner, and it doesn’t matter where it takes place, whether in a bar or in a video game,” explains Leung.
She points out that social roleplay games can be excellent places to meet people, whether for friendship or romance. For single people, they can even provide an alternative to dating apps. But for someone already in a relationship, the dynamics are much the same as meeting somebody at work or in a bar.
“You meet people there, and the question is what you choose to do with those connections,” she says.
When does harmless flirting become emotional infidelity?
Not every playful interaction or flirtatious exchange should be considered an emotional affair. But what happens when a casual gaming friendship starts to take up more emotional space?
Perhaps you find yourself looking forward to logging on because you know a particular person will be there, sharing personal details or seeking their attention.
For Leung, emotional investment is an important factor. “People may have different perspectives on this, but I believe the key factor is emotional investment. If you take it away from your relationship and redirect it into a game, it’s a sign that you should take a closer look at what might be missing from your relationship.”
And does it make a difference whether the person you’re connecting with is real? Leung believes the underlying issue is much the same, drawing a comparison with developing an attachment to an AI companion instead of connecting with your partner.
Does telling your partner make it OK?
One of the more surprising findings from the OneState research is that many respondents don’t consider in-game romance cheating if it’s disclosed. But is telling your partner about an online connection enough to make it acceptable?
Not necessarily, says Leung. “A third of players who argue that an act only counts as cheating if it is kept secret are partially correct; betrayal is fuelled by secrecy. However, simply mentioning it does not equate to being honest.
“If you tell your partner that it’s ‘just a game’, when in reality it means something much more to you, you are still lying.”
How to decide where the boundaries lie
With online gaming creating increasingly realistic opportunities for social and romantic connection, couples may need to have conversations about fidelity that previous generations never had to consider.
If you discover that your partner has developed a romantic connection with someone in a game, Leung recommends approaching the situation with curiosity rather than accusation.
“It’s always better to approach such conversations without accusations. Ask questions and try to understand what this relationship means to your partner.
“Then share your own feelings. Does it hurt you? If so, in what way? What do you consider crossing the line?”
She also challenges the idea that boundaries are simply rules one partner imposes on another.
“People often assume that boundaries are simply a set of rules imposed to control what their partner can or cannot do. But in reality, setting boundaries is usually an ongoing dialogue about what makes both people feel safe.”
Ultimately, whether you meet someone in a bar, at work or in a virtual city, the emotional connections we form are still real. And when it comes to fidelity, it’s not necessarily where a relationship happens that matters most, but whether it respects the trust and agreements that hold your own relationship together.
Words: Sally Saunders, Images: Magnific, Krakenimages.com
