Am I having a midlife crisis? Why it happens and how to reconnect with yourself
Flooded with feelings of resentment, frustration and an inner longing for something new? Here's what's really happening.
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Many women describe feeling frustrated, dissatisfied or like something is missing in midlife. Here’s what’s really happening – and how to determine the right path forward.
For many women, midlife brings a shift. It might feel like an inner stirring for something new, a lack of confidence or self-assuredness, or a dissatisfaction with your everyday life. And while you might be quick to assume a midlife crisis is to blame, there’s likely more going on beneath the surface that you’re giving yourself credit for.
‘I don’t see midlife as a crisis,’ explains Moya Slade, intuitive coach, mentor and founder of The Nest. ‘I see it as an invitation. Many women describe a feeling they can’t quite explain. A sense that something is missing, even when life looks good on paper.’
‘In my work with clients, and through my own midlife journey, I see this time and time again,’ she continues. ‘Women describe feeling nudged in a different direction, a sense of being pulled towards something they can’t quite name. More creativity, more freedom, more connection, more joy, more meaning. More…something.’
Recognising the midlife nudge
You might be experiencing a ‘midlife crisis’ – perhaps better referred to as a midlife nudge – without even realising it. ‘It often shows up as frustration, sadness, anger or a feeling that life no longer fits in quite the same way it once did,’ Moya explains. ‘Many women find themselves wondering: “Why am I not happier when I have so much to be grateful for?”‘
The mistake, Moya tells us, is assuming this feeling is a problem to fix. ‘I believe it’s wisdom trying to get our attention,’ she explains. ‘A whisper from the part of us that knows there is another way of living and being.’
‘When life is so busy, we often can’t hear these nudges,’ she adds. ‘For many women it feels inconvenient to feel certain things, express certain things or admit they want something different. It becomes easier to suppress the emotions, fill every spare moment with busyness and keep going.’
Listening to your needs
Many women spend years burying their own needs while catering to the needs of everyone around them – juggling busy careers with life admin, household management, family and parenting. ‘Women find themselves saying “I’m fine” when they’re not,’ Moya adds. ‘Swallowing anger because they’re afraid of what it might reveal. Feeling emotional and overwhelmed, yet hiding it from the people closest to them.’
‘These whispers rarely stay quiet forever,’ she continues. ‘If ignored, they often become louder, showing up as exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, resentment or ill health until eventually we are forced to pay attention.’
If you feel like you might be pushing down feelings of resentment or frustration – or an inner longing for something new – taking steps to reconnect with your true self is often the best way to determine the right path forward. ‘The challenge isn’t hearing the whisper,’ says Moya. ‘The challenge is trusting it.’
5 ways to reconnect with yourself during a midlife crisis
1. Stop asking “What’s wrong with me?”
When a midlife crisis – or nudge – comes to call, many women will instantly cast judgement and punish themselves for it. Moya suggests: instead of asking, “what’s wrong with me?”, start asking, “what is trying to get my attention?”.
‘Start paying attention to what is happening in your body and what it might be trying to tell you,’ she recommends. ‘Curiosity creates possibility. Self-criticism creates more disconnection.’
2. Get present
Teaching yourself to slow down and experience the present moment as it’s happening is one of the best ways to reconnect. ‘Many women spend years rushing through their lives without fully experiencing them,’ says Moya. ‘Reconnection begins by paying attention.’
‘Whether it’s a walk, a meal, a conversation, a swim in the sea or even brushing your teeth, allow yourself to be fully present in the experience rather than already thinking about what comes next,’ she suggests. ‘There is power in slowing down enough to actually experience your life while you’re living it.’
3. Listen before you leap
Feelings in midlife can be big – and you might feel inclined to respond with drastic change. But according to Moya, this isn’t always the best course of action. ‘Women often think they need to make dramatic changes, but most don’t,’ she explains. ‘The first step is simply creating enough space to hear yourself again. The intuitive nudges, gut feelings and quiet whispers are already there. You just need to create enough space for them to be expressed.’
‘That might be a boxing class, a walk without your phone or even a drive where you can finally say out loud the things you’ve been holding in,’ she continues. ‘Big changes rarely begin with huge leaps. They begin with small moments of self-trust.’
4. Find women who remind you what’s possible
Reconnecting with yourself might sound like something that’s best achieved alone. But Moya believes true inner connection starts when we allow ourselves to connect with and learn from others.
‘Many women have spent years trying to figure everything out alone,’ says Moya. ‘They read the books, listen to the podcasts, try the strategies and tell themselves they should be able to work it out. Yet human beings are wired for connection. Transformation rarely happens in isolation. Supportive relationships create safety, perspective and possibility.’
‘We talk a lot about nervous system regulation, but what we often don’t talk about is that we regulate through connection,’ she continues. ‘This is why community, friendships and support matter. Because when we feel safe with others, we often feel safer within ourselves.’
5. Follow one whisper
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and you’re not sure where to start, Moya suggests taking things one step at a time and trusting that sometimes it’s the smallest of steps that lead to the biggest of changes.
‘Follow one whisper,’ she recommends. ‘Not all of them. One. Book the class. Take the walk. Have the conversation. Join the group. Start the creative project.’
‘Small acts of self-trust often become the beginning of much bigger change,’ she adds. ‘Perhaps what many women need in midlife isn’t another strategy, but a safe space to hear themselves again.’
Moya Slade is a coach, mentor and founder of The Nest in Cornwall. Through coaching, bespoke 1:1 retreats and community spaces, she specialises in supporting women through the often-unspoken transitions of midlife. Find out more at thenestlife.co.uk.
