Seven warning signs your friend may have narcissistic traits, according to therapists

Friendships should leave us feeling supported, respected and able to be ourselves. But when someone has strong narcissistic traits, the relationship can gradually become confusing, one-sided and emotionally exhausting.

The term narcissist is used frequently on social media, but experts say it’s important not to jump to conclusions based on a handful of difficult interactions.

“Narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum,” says Dr Steven Mahan-Taylor, psychologist at London Bridge Therapy. “Most people will display self-centred or narcissistic behaviours at times, particularly during periods of stress or insecurity. That doesn’t necessarily mean they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”

Instead, he says, it’s more helpful to look for repeated patterns of behaviour that consistently leave you “confused, diminished, or emotionally unsafe”.

Therapist and trauma specialist Zoe Clews says people are often left struggling to make sense of these relationships.

“If you aren’t anchored in narcissism yourself, the behaviour is really baffling, and you get really confused,” she says.

She says one thread often runs through narcissistic relationship dynamics: “It’s about power and control.” Rather than focusing on labels, both experts say it’s more useful to pay attention to how the friendship consistently makes you feel.

The friendship feels intense from the start

Some friendships seem to take off almost overnight. Your new friend wants to spend all their time with you, showers you with compliments and makes you feel like you’ve met someone who truly “gets” you.

Clews says this intense early stage can resemble the “love bombing” often discussed in romantic relationships. “They can get love bombed,” she says. “It’s amazing — new person, they’re really nice.”

The problem is that the warmth and enthusiasm may not last. As the friendship settles, you may begin to notice subtle shifts in their behaviour, leaving you wondering what changed.

You leave interactions feeling confused

One of the strongest indicators of an unhealthy dynamic isn’t necessarily what someone says — it’s how you consistently feel afterwards.

“It won’t feel fair,” says Clews. “You’ll feel duped and confused somehow.” She says many people seek help because they’re “so baffled as to why they’ve been left feeling the way they have.”

Dr Mahan-Taylor says repeated confusion can develop when someone causes you to question your own judgement or instincts over time. Rather than focusing on isolated incidents, pay attention to whether the friendship regularly leaves you second-guessing yourself.

Everything revolves around their needs

Friendship naturally involves supporting each other through difficult times. But there’s a difference between helping a friend through a crisis and feeling like every conversation centres on them.

“You might just find you’re really drained all the time,” Clews says. “The person constantly needing your attention, they’re constantly in a drama, they’re constantly having a hard time.”

She stresses that everyone goes through difficult periods. “But when it’s chronic,” and one person’s needs consistently eclipse your own, the friendship can become emotionally exhausting. “It’s Planet Me,” she says.

They struggle to celebrate your success

Healthy friendships involve celebrating each other’s wins. But Clews says envy can be a major trigger for someone with narcissistic traits.

“Narcissism isn’t really, ‘I think I’m so amazing,'” she explains. “It’s triggered by an envy of someone else, that’s how it often shows up in friendships.”

She often hears from clients whose friendships seemed perfectly happy until they got a promotion, started a new relationship or achieved something important. “‘I’ve had a really lovely friendship, but as soon as I got this job, or as soon as I’ve got a boyfriend, they’ve completely changed because they can’t handle it.'”

They chip away at your confidence

Not all criticism is obvious. Sometimes it comes in the form of subtle digs, backhanded compliments or passive-aggressive comments that leave you feeling uncomfortable without being able to explain why. “They’re very good at making you doubt yourself,” Clews says. “It’s chip, chip, chip away at your self-esteem and your confidence.”

She says passive aggression can be especially difficult to recognise. “I’d rather outright aggression than passive aggression,” she says, “because passive aggression can be quite confusing.”

Rather than dismissing these moments as harmless jokes, consider whether they form part of a broader pattern that leaves you feeling diminished.

They rarely take responsibility

Disagreements are inevitable in any close friendship. What matters is whether both people are willing to listen, apologise and repair the relationship.

“Good relationships aren’t about never arguing,” says Clews. “It’s about just being able to figure these things out.”

She says someone with narcissistic traits is often “unlikely to apologise”, meaning disagreements can become repetitive, defensive and emotionally draining.

The friendship never feels equal

Perhaps the clearest sign is the overall balance of the relationship. Do you always find yourself adapting to their plans? Managing their emotions? Walking away feeling emotionally depleted while they seem perfectly satisfied?

“The relationship will feel unequal,” says Clews. “It will feel like things are not on a level playing field.”

According to Clews, power and control often underpin narcissistic relationship dynamics, even when those behaviours are subtle rather than overt.

Remember: it’s about patterns, not labels

Both experts stress that having narcissistic traits isn’t the same as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and it’s not helpful to diagnose friends based on a handful of behaviours. Instead, look at the relationship as a whole.

As Dr Mahan-Taylor explains, “One of the clearest indicators of an unhealthy relationship isn’t a single behaviour, it’s how you consistently feel within it.”

Healthy friendships leave room for disagreement, boundaries and mutual support. If you regularly come away feeling anxious, confused or emotionally drained, it may be worth considering whether the friendship is giving you the same care and respect that you’re offering in return.

Words: Sally Saunders, Images: Shutterstock