Why making time for yourself isn’t selfish — and how small acts of self-love can make life feel more romantic

Words: Sophie Golding. Images: Shutterstock

Building a more romantic life for yourself starts by taking your own thoughts into consideration: nothing is more romantic than actually being heard. Before you do anything else, take a moment to think about what you need rather than always putting others first.

Wear comfy clothes if that’s what makes you feel good, eat healthy food to give your body what it needs, and understand the difference between the urgent and the important, replacing ‘I don’t have time’ with ‘Why don’t I take the time?’ Make yourself your first priority. Then, try to be someone you’d like to spend time with: smile more, be more positive, more patient with yourself, find your sense of humour and fun.

Whatever it is that you enjoy, you are the one who decides who you are and what things will make you feel good. Own your successes and your failures, and admire yourself for all of them: once you love yourself, you won’t feel so dependent on the love of others! Once you’ve got this far, you can start adding other touches to your daily routine that will bring a sense of romance and joy – every day is your day!

Romancing yourself

Making your everyday routine a little less, well, ‘everyday’, will help you fall back in love with life again, with the added bonus of massively contributing towards your overall well-being.

Take care of yourself the way you would like to be taken care of by others, considering everything, from running yourself a candlelit bath to making yourself a special meal, getting out into the fresh air and treating yourself to the occasional lie-in. Be kind, always. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself.

Just for you

We spend so much time doing things for others, and worrying about what other people might think or feel about our actions. When was the last time you did something just for yourself and no one else?

Do something completely alone today: go to the cinema without telling anyone, treat yourself to an ice-cream sundae even if you don’t have anyone to share it with, write something you’ve never told anyone on a piece of paper and then throw it away or burn it. Be your own best company.

Make yourself a muse

When you look in the mirror, do you tend to focus on your best qualities, or the little imperfections that you’d like to change? Zoom in on your best assets by drawing a self-portrait: if you’re good with a brush, it could be in the form of a painting, but you could also try making a collage of what you like most about yourself, or writing down a list of your qualities that starts with each of the letters that make up your name. You deserve to be a muse, even if just your own.

Be the star of your own show

You might not believe it, but your life is every bit as worth writing about as a celebrity’s. Start writing the first chapter of your autobiography and see what bubbles up to the surface. Not only will you have an opportunity to realize how fascinating your life has been until now, but you’ll have something lovely to read again in a few years, too. Your life is a novel; you just don’t know it yet.

Perfectly imperfect

A life less perfect is so much more interesting than something fresh out of the pages of a magazine. Embrace the beauty of the asymmetry of life by picking up a piece of pottery from a local artist: sure, that mug might not have the clean, round lines that would qualify it for the shelves of a big- brand shop, but that’s its real beauty!

The bumps and curves are proof of the love that was put into its creation. Each irregularity is a reminder of the human touch that made it. There is real perfection in imperfection.

Lights, camera, action!

Ever felt like you were starring in a movie that also happened to be your life? You should: every moment of every day has the potential to become the scene of a movie. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary, either; even the dullest chores are interesting with the right lighting and background music. Put your phone or camera somewhere with a good view and just let life unfold.

And if you aren’t satisfied with the result, no problem: you can just rewrite the scene and film again! If you don’t fancy staging a whole movie, why not choose a single moment in your day to record; it could be a whole event, or simply just one single instant.

If you commit to filming just a few seconds of your life every single day, at the end of the month or the year you can collate them to get a beautiful snapshot of everything that you felt counted. Time to look at your life through the lens of your own camera. And… action!

Magic of make-believe

Remember when you used to play dress-up? When make-believe was part of every single day? You can recreate that joyous feeling every time you apply your moisturizer or make-up, or even just take a shower and wash your hair: imagine that the soaps and creams in your bathroom are the magic potions that will transform you!

Or, you could start making time to reconnect with your favourite childhood pastimes, such as baking cakes or playing frisbee in the park. Life is more fun when you embrace your inner child and get your imagination flowing.

Daydream believer

Sometimes creativity doesn’t come to you, you need to go on a quest to find it, and nothing is better for that than a good old daydream. The Japanese language has a word that fits perfectly: boketto, or ‘gazing into the distance without thinking of anything specific’. It’s a great way to let unexpected thoughts bubble up to the surface.

Find somewhere quiet to sit and get your boketto on, preferably with a huge, open view (the beach, a hill, the top floor of the building) and let the immensity of the world inspire you.

How to Romanticize Your Life by Sophie Golding is published by Summersdale, $11.99