Open relationships explained: What are they, how do they work, and what is the reality behind the myth?

Monogamy is no longer the only relationship model people are choosing. From open relationships to polyamory and ethical non-monogamy, therapists explain the different approaches, how couples set boundaries, and why communication is the real foundation of any successful relationship.

For centuries, romantic relationships have largely followed one accepted blueprint: two people commit exclusively to one another, building a life together as a couple.

But as conversations around love, sex and commitment evolve, more people are exploring different ways of structuring relationships. Open relationships, ethical non-monogamy and polyamory have become increasingly visible, prompting wider conversations about whether there is more than one way to build a fulfilling partnership.

At the centre of these conversations is one key distinction: consensual non-monogamy is not about removing commitment — it is about redefining what commitment looks like.

“More people than ever before are beginning to question the idea that one person should meet every need and are placing more emphasis on communication, consent and emotional honesty,” says sex and relationship therapist and clinical sexologist Ilka Kemp-Hall.

“There’s a growing openness to exploring different relationship models, rather than defaulting to one ‘right’ way of doing things.”

While open relationships remain a minority choice, psychosexual and relationship therapist Lucy Frank says she has seen more people become willing to discuss alternatives to traditional relationship structures.

“That doesn’t mean monogamy is disappearing — many people still want and value it deeply,” she says. “But there is a growing openness to talking about different ways relationships can look.”

Open relationship vs polyamory: What’s the difference?

The terms open relationship, ethical non-monogamy and polyamory are often used interchangeably, but they describe different approaches to relationships.

According to Kemp-Hall, both open relationships and polyamory sit under the broader umbrella of consensual non-monogamy — meaning that everyone involved is aware of and agrees to the relationship structure.

Open relationships

An open relationship usually refers to a partnership where a couple remains committed to each other while allowing some form of sexual or romantic connection outside the relationship.

The boundaries vary widely between couples. For some, it may mean occasional sexual experiences with other people. For others, it may involve ongoing connections with outside partners.

“Open relationships are usually centred around a primary partnership that allows for sexual experiences with others, often within agreed boundaries,” Kemp-Hall explains.

Those boundaries might include agreements around communication, safer sex, whether partners meet each other or whether outside connections remain separate.

Polyamory

Polyamory differs because it makes space for multiple emotional and romantic relationships. Rather than focusing primarily on sexual openness, polyamory allows people to develop meaningful romantic connections with more than one person, with everyone’s knowledge and consent.

Kemp-Hall explains that polyamorous relationships can take many forms. Some people practise kitchen-table polyamory, where everyone involved knows each other and may socialise together. Others prefer parallel polyamory, where relationships exist separately without significant interaction between partners. There is no single model that defines either approach.

What does ethical non-monogamy mean?

The word “ethical” is important because it distinguishes consensual non-monogamy from infidelity. In an affair, one person breaks an agreed relationship boundary without their partner’s knowledge or consent. In ethical non-monogamy, the defining feature is transparency.

“The presence of consent, communication and transparency is what matters,” says Frank. “All parties are agreeing to something that benefits them all.”

This means that ethical non-monogamy is not simply about having multiple partners. It is about creating agreements that everyone understands and actively chooses.

The biggest myths about open relationships

Despite growing awareness, open relationships are still surrounded by misconceptions.

Myth 1: Open relationships are just about wanting more sex

One of the most common assumptions is that people explore non-monogamy because they are dissatisfied with their partner sexually.

Frank says this is a major misunderstanding. People explore open relationships for many reasons, including curiosity, personal values around autonomy, sexuality or the belief that attraction does not have to be exclusive to be meaningful.

For some, it is less about seeking something missing and more about creating a relationship structure that feels authentic.

Myth 2: Open relationships lack commitment

Another misconception is that allowing outside connections means a relationship is less serious. Therapists argue that commitment and exclusivity are not necessarily the same thing.

A person can be deeply committed to their partner while also questioning whether sexual or romantic exclusivity is the only way to express that commitment.

In many cases, consensual non-monogamous relationships require partners to be highly intentional about discussing feelings, expectations and boundaries.

Myth 3: Open relationships have fewer rules

Because monogamy is often associated with clear expectations, people sometimes assume open relationships involve fewer boundaries.

Frank says the opposite can be true. “Many consensually non-monogamous relationships involve more conversation about boundaries, expectations and feelings than many monogamous ones.”

Successful couples often spend significant time discussing agreements around communication, safer sex, time together, emotional involvement and changing feelings. “Open relationships aren’t the absence of rules,” she says. “They’re often the result of far more intentional ones.”

How do boundaries work in an open relationship?

There is no universal rulebook for consensual non-monogamy. Every relationship creates its own agreements based on what feels comfortable and sustainable for everyone involved. Frank describes these boundaries as “idiosyncratic” because they differ from couple to couple.

“For some, it might mean the occasional sexual experience with others. For others, it may include ongoing connections and emotional or romantic relationships.”

Common areas couples may discuss include:

• How much information partners want to share about outside connections.
• Whether emotional relationships with others are included.
• How much time is spent with other partners.
• Safer sex agreements.
• What happens if feelings change.

The important factor is that these conversations happen openly rather than assumptions being made.

Does sexuality influence non-monogamy?

Sexual orientation can shape how some people experience relationships, although Kemp-Hall emphasises that it does not determine whether someone will choose monogamy or non-monogamy.

“Some bisexual, pansexual or queer individuals find that non-monogamy allows them to honour a fuller range of attraction and create more tailored, explicitly negotiated connections.”

However, she stresses that people of any sexual orientation can choose any relationship structure. Ultimately, consensual non-monogamy is less about identity and more about how people choose to build relationships.

Can open relationships work?

According to both therapists, the answer depends less on the relationship structure and more on the foundation underneath it.

Healthy relationships — whether monogamous or non-monogamous — require trust, honesty, emotional awareness and the ability to communicate openly.

Kemp-Hall says there is no single roadmap for exploring non-monogamy. “What matters is that it’s consensual, intentional and grounded in care and clarity.”

Words: Yasmina Floyer, Images: Shutterstock