Do your emotions often feel bigger than the situation? The overlooked ADHD symptom you may not know about
Think ADHD is only about concentration? Think again. Emotional dysregulation can make feelings hit harder and faster, leaving you wondering why something so small has triggered such a big response. We asked a doctor how to recognize and manage it.
Amy Mica Marsden
Words: Amy Mica Marsden. Images: Shutterstock.
In recent years, awareness around ADHD and its difficulties has skyrocketed into the public eye, with adult diagnosis rates rising by 123.3% among adults in the US – though some believe it is still being underdiagnosed.
But along with the more ‘classic’ signs, such as forgetfulness and trouble staying organized, there are a whole host of other symptoms that can affect your life and well-being without you even realizing.
Dr Suzanne Wylie, Clinical Advisor to iQ Doctor and an experienced medical practitioner, explains that emotional dysregulation is ‘when emotions feel bigger and harder to control than the situation calls for.’
‘A small annoyance, like spilling your coffee, can trigger a wave of anger or upset that feels way out of proportion, even to you,’ she says. ‘It’s often mistaken for overreacting, but it’s actually a real difference in how the brain handles feelings.’
Emotions and ADHD
The effects of ADHD on emotions might seem confusing if you think of it as purely a problem with organization or hyperactivity – but this is just one facet of the disorder.
At its heart, ADHD impairs executive functioning (the processes in the brain that regulate attention, as well as behavior and emotions), which means people with the disorder can be impulsive, more easily emotionally triggered, and more prone to stress and overwhelm.
‘It’s a bit like having a car with a very sensitive accelerator and weak brakes. The feeling hits fast, and it takes longer to slow back down,’ says Dr Suzanne.
‘It’s not a personality flaw; it’s a genuine part of how ADHD affects the brain. It’s also more common than people realise, even though it’s rarely mentioned when people talk about ADHD.’
How to handle emotional dysregulation
First off, it can be useful to learn how to recognize the difference between emotional responses due to ADHD and mood swings for other reasons. Especially as ADHD is comorbid (commonly occurring) with other mood disorders such as anxiety and depression, it can be hard to know the root causes.
Dr Suzanne says it’s important not to self-diagnose and speak to a doctor instead if you’re concerned – but that there are some clues. The signs include when ‘the reaction is intense but short, often gone within half an hour; it’s usually set off by something specific, like feeling criticized; and it tends to be a lifelong pattern rather than something new.’
So if you’re often going from zero to one hundred, emotionally, and later wondering what on earth happened, this could be a clue that you’re emotionally dysregulated.
But knowing you’re experiencing ADHD-related dysregulation and managing those emotions are two different things — Dr Suzanne thankfully has a few tips.
‘Sleep makes a big difference; poor sleep makes everything harder to manage,’ she says, discussing long-term habits that can help. ‘Regular movement helps too. It also helps to notice your own triggers, so you can spot the pattern earlier next time.
‘Therapy such as CBT can teach useful tools, and for some people, ADHD medication helps by giving the brain more time to catch up before reacting.’
As for what to do in the moment you’re experiencing dysregulated emotions, Dr Suzanne says to try and learn to pause before you react.
‘Step away from the situation, splash cold water on your face, or go for a brisk walk. Slow breathing, in for four, out for six, really does help calm things down. It can also help to have a phrase ready, like “I need five minutes”, so you can step away without it seeming rude.’
When asked if she had any other advice for people with ADHD who are struggling to regulate their emotions, Dr Suzanne reminded us that women and girls are more likely to be told they’re anxious or sensitive than to be considered for an ADHD assessment – meaning that many women may not be receiving the diagnoses they need.
‘If this sounds like you,’ she says, ‘it’s worth speaking to your GP [or primary care physician].’
