The reason why some men feel low and unmotivated after watching porn

From feeling irritable and sleepy to anxious and sad, there is such a thing as a ‘post porn slump.’  Discover why this can happen to you and how, for the majority of men, it is a normal physiological response.

While figures vary on the statistics of men who watch pornography, research from a US 2020 study points to more than 80 per cent of adult males having accessed it at some point. Whilst a large number of them undoubtedly take pleasure from the experience, there are some that are left feeling less good afterwards, with negative reactions after watching porn – most likely caused by a combination of the brain’s arousal and emotional senses dipping after sexual stimulation.

The post porn slump

Although the post porn slump may leave you feeling a bit out of sorts, the good news is these negative symptoms don’t automatically point to there being anything medically wrong with you.

“It’s that flat, empty, sometimes low or almost regretful feeling that shows up after watching porn and finishing, distinct from the satisfied, relaxed feeling people expect,” explained sex therapist Vanessa Cushing, founder of Cushing Counseling.

“It’s not universal and it’s not constant, but its common enough that most men who experience it assume something is uniquely wrong with them, when it’s actually a fairly predictable neurochemical and psychological pattern.

The dopamine effect

“There’s a few things going on here that can cause it, so it may help to understand what’s happening with dopamine, which isn’t really the pleasure chemical people think it is; it’s actually the wanting and seeking chemical,” added Vanessa.

“It drives anticipation and pursuit more than it drives the payoff itself. Porn, especially the kind of endless scrolling and searching online platforms make easy, keeps that seeking system highly activated for an extended stretch, novelty after novelty, before climax finally happens.

“Once orgasm hits, that elevated seeking state drops off a cliff, and prolactin rises, which is part of the normal biological comedown after any orgasm, partnered sex included. But when the build-up was fueled by an unusually high, artificially sustained dopamine state from constant novelty-seeking, the crash afterward tends to feel more pronounced. It’s less that porn causes some unique damage and more that it can rev the seeking system up higher than usual, which makes the drop afterward more noticeable.

“And for men who feel any conflict about their own porn use, whether from personal values, a partner’s feelings, or just wanting to use their time differently, that flat moment right after is exactly when those thoughts get loudest, since the arousal that was drowning them out is suddenly gone.”

Why the post porn slump is normal

To reassure men who have experienced the post porn slump, Vanessa stresses that none of this means anything is broken.

“It’s a predictable pattern, not a personal failure, and shame about it usually makes the cycle worse rather than better, since shame itself is a common reason people reach for porn again to escape a bad feeling. What actually helps is noticing the pattern without judgment, and getting curious about what need was really being chased in that seeking state, boredom, stress, loneliness, avoidance, since the slump tends to hit hardest when porn was standing in for something else entirely.”

Reiterating this advice, relationship therapist and chief sexologist at SXW Accountancy Dr Joy Berkheimer, also touches on the dopamine effect.

“Following orgasm, dopamine is not depleted so much as its heightened reward-seeking activity subsides. Prolactin (which is a hormone associated with sexual satiety) rises, sexual responsiveness temporarily decreases, and the nervous system moves from arousal into satiety and then a refractory period. A man may consequently feel sleepy, mentally quiet, less motivated, or briefly emotionally flat, as the body has shifted rather decisively from pursuit to ‘enough’.

“Pornography can make that transition feel particularly stark because novelty keeps the brain engaged in an extended cycle of anticipation: another image, another scene, another possibility. When orgasm brings that pursuit to an abrupt close, the contrast may feel like a crash. Any loneliness, stress, shame, or dissatisfaction that was temporarily eclipsed by the stimulation may also become suddenly perceptible.”

Again, she points out these feelings are not inherently unhealthy.

“A temporary decline in energy or desire after orgasm can be totally normal. It warrants closer attention when the emotional drop is intense or persistent, i.e. when pornography feels less like chosen pleasure and more like a compulsory means of escaping discomfort. The more revealing question may then be not simply what pornography is doing to you, but what you have been asking it to soothe, replace, or conceal.”

Other factors that can cause a post porn slump

Unlike sex with your partner, watching porn by yourself does not involve love, intimacy and human connection so whilst the body is stimulated, Dr Azita Sayan points out it’s common you are not getting the same satisfaction as you would with a loved one.

The marriage and family therapist, who is CEO of Embrace Growth Embrace Growth explains: “Pornography can leave a man feeling flat because he’s taken his sexual energy somewhere, but created nothing with it.

“You may have experienced excitement and release, but because you are experiencing it alone, it’s common to feel a bit empty afterwards.”

She also touches on the scientific reasons behind it.

The science behind why you may experience a post porn slump

“There is a biological component, of course. During arousal, the brain becomes intensely focused on reward and anticipation. After orgasm, this state drops. The body enters a recovery period or a recuperation period. And hormonal changes can contribute to sleepiness and often a loss of drive, especially when you’re older.

“But I think we make a mistake when we explain everything simply through the dopamine effect. A man or any human being is not simply a collection of chemicals. Pornography can deplete him emotionally and spiritually because it separates sex from being present, responsibility, vulnerability, love, affection, human connection.

“Pornography also offers, I think, novelty without any effort. You don’t really have to do anything to attract a woman, communicate with her, do anything lovely for her, understand her, care about her feelings, create a relationship with her. A man can keep searching through pornography. A man can keep looking for a more stimulating image without risking rejection or learning how to no respect or satisfy another human being.

“The screen goes dark, reality returns, after you satisfy yourself and whatever loneliness, anxiety, boredom or emptiness that you are escaping is still waiting for you. And then that sudden distance between this intense stimulation and a life that remains the same is often exerious as a slump or a complete and other void.”