Why negative emotions aren’t always bad for you – and how anger could help you feel more in control

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Even if sometimes we feel as though life might be a lot calmer without them, we experience a multitude of emotions for a very good reason. From happiness and sadness to numbness and shame, there are a huge variety of ways in which we can feel as we go through life. 

This extends to unpleasant emotions. Of course, we would all rather enjoy life in a happy and blissful state, but the entire spectrum of feelings we have is valid, and also very much useful. Anger, which can be seen as one of our most basic (or broad categories of) emotions, is also often a good emotion and one we should listen to. 

Emotions are and were an essential part of survival

The reason we have emotions at all goes back to our basic survival needs and instincts. Emotions, or the more specific feelings we have within them (of which, there are dozens, as evidenced by feelings lists such as that of the Hoffman Institute) act as reactions, signals, and even motivations for helping us to navigate the situation we are in.

With positive emotions, such as love, this can be that we associate the situation with a positive environment for broadening our social circle, a desire to procreate (which keeps us as a species alive), or a combination of the two. Lust releases sex hormones;  attraction tends to cause dopamine and norepinephrine, along with a reduction in serotonin which leads to the heightened thinking and euphoria we feel when falling in love (in practice, giving us the energy to want to find a way to incorporate our life with theirs); and attachment, which is necessary for our ability to trust our partners and want to navigate life with them as well as feel generally more secure in the world, is built through us releasing oxytocin.

Negative emotions are equally as important for how we navigate life

Anger, along with anxiety are two of the most important emotions for navigating life from a practical standpoint. Yet these are both emotions we tend to attribute to a sense of shame, and would rather not experience them. Journalist Sam Parker wrote a book called Good Anger, in this book he says “most people fundamentally misunderstand what anger is and why it exists. We either act impulsively, or try and stuff it down and condition ourselves not to feel anger at all.” Through the book, he then speaks of his own experiences with anger and how he learned to harness it healthily.

Why anger exists

Put simply, anger (much like anxiety) triggers stress hormones and neurochemicals in the body, preparing us for and taking us into the “fight-or-flight” response we often hear referred to as a bad thing. However, evolutionarily speaking, we needed this. Anger is generally more obviously linked to the fight element of this nervous state – and would literally have been there to help us increase our energy, aggression, and strength to fight off threats, protect resources, and to help us be confrontational without fear when it comes to more social elements of anger, such as jealousy. Naturally, this is all fundamental for survival. 

Why anger can still be a good emotion

Of course, we don’t tend to live in a world in which our negative emotions need to trigger us into survival mode. While the idea of fighting in today’s world as a result of anger would, and indeed should, be considered as problematic behaviour, feelings associated with anger are not necessarily a bad thing. And being angry can be harnessed for good. 

The mental health charity Mind offers a few reasons why we may feel angry these days. This can stem from observing parents being angry or not being shown that violent anger is not a good thing; larger threats to our security, such as a relationship issue, bereavement, or being fired; but it can also come from relatively minor everyday circumstances and scenarios.

In all instances, anger has happened so it is a valid response, but how we respond to that anger matters. There are healthy ways to use anger, and there are unhealthy ways too. 

Anger can help us to be fearless and assertive

Speaking to the British Psychological Society, founder of Emotion-Focused Therapy, Kal Kseib has said that “Anger, for example, changes fear and anxiety. They’re opposite kind of states. So when you’re angry you’re not anxious,” adding that “this doesn’t mean destructive anger, blaming anger, rejecting anger – it’s assertive, empowered anger where you have backbone.” 

In a world where people feel afraid to speak out, stand up for themselves and others’ injustices, or find themselves feeling generally upset with a situation or part of life they are in, anger can be powerful. It can take us from a position that is passive and painful and into one full of energy and purpose. 

Anger is also a signal that we feel dissatisfied. In Psychology Today Jade Wu Ph.D.

The Savvy Psychologist explains that “anger is often a secondary emotion that only arises when a person continues to feel unsafe.” In this sense, it can be the motivating factor that helps us to remove ourselves from, or advocate for a change to our situation in order to feel better. If we were to suppress that feeling, we would likely accept a situation that we do not like for ourselves. 

There are also plenty of links between suppressing anger and health issues, meaning that healthy expressions of anger – in Parker’s case this was initially boxing training – are crucial to living a healthier life. 

Responding to the signals anger highlights for us is important, and using that anger to improve our place in the world or at least feel self-supported is critical for good wellbeing. Writing for his Substack, Parker has elaborated on this idea. In an article called “How to channel ‘f*ck you’ energy” he explains that it can be the motivating force for proving others wrong when we feel unheard or dismissed; specifically he says “we can channel [anger] into whatever work we need to do to achieve the best possible revenge: success.”