‘I thought my partner’s work wife was harmless – until I noticed these subtle red flags in our relationship’

Words: Amy Mica Marsden. Images: Shutterstock.

Your partner’s work life can sometimes feel like a world you’re never quite part of – no matter how hard you try.

Some work environments can easily foster closeness between people; they likely have things in common with their coworkers, share inside jokes, and spend most of their day together. But they can also leave room for nervousness and even jealousy when it comes to your partner’s ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’.

If you’re wondering about what your partner gets up to during their work hours, you aren’t the only one. It’s easy to spiral into worry, wondering if your partner is more likely to cheat on you if they have someone close to them at work.

To find out more, we spoke to a relationship expert to get the low-down on what happens when your partner’s workplace camaraderie starts to impact your home life.

The ‘work spouse’ relationship explained

Relationship and Couples counselor Dr. Jenn Kennedy says it’s understandable to feel somewhat left out if your partner is particularly close to someone at work.

‘We spend so much time at work and often with people who have similar interests,’ she says. ‘It’s good for work culture to be close and to like those in the office, in fact. Because we have these relationships at the office and we see each other consistently, we may even share our struggles in other areas of life, including our home life.’

This means your partner’s ‘work spouse’ can become a confidant of sorts, allowing them to discuss their home life with someone who is almost entirely separate from it. In turn, this can bring them closer together. But is it an indicator of infidelity?

‘It’s harmless to a point,’ says Dr Jenn. ‘Ideally this person is a fun, supportive friend who makes your workday more enjoyable, but doesn’t bring a sexual charge. That dynamic pollutes the professional space and starts to drain energy from the primary partnership.’

Is my partner cheating with their work spouse?

In a study by researchers at Office Pulse, 70% of business professionals surveyed said they had a work spouse – with nearly half of those (44%) admitting they talk to their work spouse about their romantic relationships at home. 

However, these close bonds can blur the lines between coworker and something more – in fact, 1 in 5 men admit they may have ‘crossed the line’ with their work spouse, and just over 1 in 12 women say the same. 

But at what point does it become an affair, and what are some signs a partner should start to worry?

Some red flags Dr Jenn suggests could indicate something untoward is going on are:

• – Hiding information from you
• – Hiding their phone and getting defensive about it
• – Information that doesn’t always line up – about their coworker, or about their time
• – Suddenly spending a lot more time at work
• – Letting go of responsibilities at home
• – A sudden change in regard for your feelings or a sudden change in attitude

‘A partner should be concerned when there is deception, minimizing, or they feel an unsettling energy between the two,’ she advises.

‘Ideally, they would have met this person and can hear stories without jealousy. This person is an ally – not competition! But if it feels like their partner is distancing or things don’t add up, then ask direct questions.’

Other signs that it might be time to talk with your partner about their workplace relationships include (but aren’t limited to) a sudden interest in improving their appearance at work; unexplained overtime and defensiveness when asked about it; and a reluctance to let you spend any time with their work spouse.

What to do if you’re worried

As with any relationship red flags, talking to your partner before jumping to conclusions is key. Speak to them in a neutral environment, put your phones away, and try to stick to the facts and how they make you feel, rather than going for accusations.

‘Don’t try to trap them or investigate, as that creates an atmosphere of mistrust and you might start to create a false narrative,’ warns Dr Jenn. ‘I always encourage direct, open interactions.

‘Tell them you are feeling some worry, jealousy, unease – whatever. Ask how they feel about their colleague and gauge the response. Maybe you all go out for a meal to see how the exchange feels.’

Remember, ultimately, the healthiest relationships aren’t defined by who your partner spends time with at work – but by how safe, valued and prioritized you both feel at home.