Feeling left out this summer? Experts say these 5 simple mindset shifts can help you beat FOMO for good

Parties, vacations, festivals and more – watching everyone you know enjoy themselves in summer can leave you feeling down. We asked an expert how to take the pressure off and say goodbye to FOMO.

Words: Amy Mica Marsden. Images: Shutterstock.

‘Is everyone having fun but me?’ It’s a question you’ve likely asked yourself at one point or another.

Scrolling social media serves you an endless stream of other people’s vacations, barbecues, parties, weddings, concerts, dates… and if you’re unable to go, you can start to feel isolated, envious, and even angry. 

Psychologists refer to this as ‘FOMO’, or the ‘fear of missing out’, and up to 69% of people in the US have felt it.

And it isn’t just our emotional health that’s affected by FOMO — according to one study, 73% of millennials have spent money they didn’t have to avoid the feeling.

What causes FOMO?

FOMO is a common experience, with its roots in comparison and feelings of inferiority. If everyone else is (seemingly) busy having fun, why aren’t you? These thoughts can quickly spiral into feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. 

FOMO is also intensified by social media, where the average adult spends nearly two and a half hours each day.

‘Thus, not only do individuals miss events they wish to attend, but many times they are also viewing edited versions of these events through their social media feeds,’ says Dr. Sal Raichbach, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Chief Clinical Officer of The Haven Detox Group.

5 ways to tackle summer FOMO.

Decide what a ‘fulfilling’ summer looks like to you

Everyone’s idea of what counts as fun and fulfilment is different. If you find yourself yearning for other people’s summer activities, try checking in with yourself and asking: Is that really what I want to do? Maybe a festival looks like fun, but when you truly imagine yourself there, you might find it’s suddenly a lot less appealing.

Once you discover this, write down what a fun summer looks like to YOU. You might find that a lot of your FOMO instantly evaporates!

Limit comparisons online

‘From my perspective as a clinician, I see the same trend: the more time someone spends checking their social media accounts, the worse he/she may feel, and the worse he/she feels, the more likely he/she is to continue to check his/her account,’ says Dr Raichbach.

To avoid this vicious cycle, try to keep screen time to a minimum (especially first thing in the morning or late at night, when we’re more emotionally vulnerable). Some scrolling is unavoidable, of course, so when you see a post and feel that telltale jealousy, remember: this is just that person’s highlight reel; it isn’t reflective of their everyday.

Enjoy the small moments

Summer can be full of simple pleasures as well as big events – things like a walk in the sunshine, reading in the garden or the park, watching the sunset, and eating outside can all create equally meaningful memories.

Create your own summer traditions

Giving yourself something to look forward to is a must – and nothing makes this easier than creating your own traditions. Maybe you treat yourself to ice cream on Fridays, or take yourself for a walk on Sunday mornings, or eat your lunch outside on Mondays when the weather is good. 

Focus on connection

At the end of the day, real human connection is at the heart of our mental health. For example, sometimes just going for a walk with a friend and putting the world to rights can be the perfect antidote to FOMO. When you get home, try to remind yourself to focus on whether you enjoyed a meaningful connection, rather than how ‘flashy’ or Instagrammable an event was. 

Dr Raichbach’s final advice for banishing FOMO is to pause when you notice you’re experiencing it and ask yourself “What am I seeking to fill?”

‘In most cases, the answers will include some form of connection, rest/naps, new experiences/hobbies, recognition/appreciation or anticipation/excitement for something to come,’ he says.

‘While FOMO may imply that you require a larger life, more often than not, you merely need to create a more intentional life.’