Stuck to the screen? How to help someone with unhealthy phone habits

Whether it’s a teenager glued to social media, an older relative constantly checking notifications or a partner lost in endless scrolling, conversations about screen time can be difficult. Psychologists explain how to raise concerns without judgement — and why understanding the need behind the habit matters most.

Problematic phone use can affect people of all ages, from children and teenagers to adults and older relatives. But knowing when screen time has become unhealthy — and how to talk to someone about it without causing conflict — is rarely straightforward. Mental health experts say the most effective conversations focus on curiosity, connection and support rather than blame.

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Many people recognise situations where a loved one’s phone use has started to feel concerning. It might be an older relative who has embraced smartphones enthusiastically but now seems constantly interrupted by notifications, videos or online content. Others worry about teenagers spending hours alone in their rooms, navigating an internet that can expose them to everything from social comparison to online predators. Or perhaps it’s a partner who consistently chooses scrolling, gaming or social media over spending time together.

It isn’t always easy to identify the point at which enjoying technology becomes becoming overly dependent on it. But if someone’s phone use appears to be affecting their wellbeing, relationships or safety, it may be time for a conversation. The harder question is how to begin.

Start with concern, not criticism

“Avoid beginning with ‘You are addicted to your phone’ or ‘You are always online,'” says Consultant Counselling Psychologist Dr Ritz Birah. “Labels invite defensiveness. Instead, name the specific behaviour and its impact: ‘I miss talking to you in the evenings,’ or, ‘You have said you feel anxious after scrolling at night, and I wonder whether the two are connected.'”

It’s an approach that makes sense. Few people respond well to feeling judged, particularly when most of us recognise elements of our own screen habits in ourselves.

Psychotherapist and trauma specialist Tina Chummun agrees that conversations work best when they come from care rather than control — and that timing matters.

“Choose the moment, not in the heat of frustration, not while either of you is mid-scroll, and never as an ambush. A calm, unhurried time lands far better. And get curious instead of delivering a verdict. Ask what they get from it, what it does for them, whether they’re happy with the balance. People change far more readily when they reach their own conclusions than when someone hands them one.”

Ultimately, any meaningful change is more likely if the person begins to recognise the issue for themselves.

Look beyond the screen

If someone’s phone use has started to have a significant impact on their life, it’s also worth considering what the device is providing in the first place.

“It’s important to understand what the phone is providing,” says Dr Birah. “It may be helping someone escape stress, loneliness, boredom or difficult thoughts. Simply removing it leaves the emotional need untouched.”

In other words, conversations about screen time are rarely just about screens. As Chummun puts it: “The screen is the symptom not the cause.”

Understanding the emotional need beneath the behaviour can lead to far more productive conversations than focusing solely on the amount of time someone spends online.

How to support lasting change

If your loved one agrees they’d like to change their relationship with their phone, support is likely to be more effective than strict rules.

Dr Birah suggests agreeing one small change together — such as introducing phone-free meals or switching off non-essential notifications — while replacing the habit with something that encourages genuine connection or wellbeing.

The key takeaway is that both the problem and its solution usually extend well beyond the screen itself.

That’s one reason these conversations are often best reserved for the people closest to us. It’s easy to criticise someone else’s phone use; it’s much harder to help them change it.

Handled with empathy, however, these discussions can become an opportunity to reconnect. They may be imperfect, awkward and ongoing — but in a world where screens increasingly compete for our attention, those very human conversations may be one of the most valuable things we can offer each other.

Words: Kate Townshend, Images: Shutterstock