If you find it hard to switch off on holiday. Trying to relax but your brain isn’t quite on board.

It’s frustrating, isn’t it, when theoretically you “should” be relaxing, but your mind doesn’t seem to have got that message. Whether that’s the first day of a holiday, a day off work or a Saturday morning, sometimes what’s happening around you says “Chill-out time” but your brain is not saying the same thing.

This often happens for me on a Saturday morning. There I am, at the start of the weekend, often my only real opportunity to have a leisurely morning coffee (still having been woken up at or before 7am though, to be fair), but I am restless. My mind is buzzing with a sense that I should be doing something. My body is a bit tense, my stomach is churning a bit.

That. Is. Annoying.

It might be even more annoying if it’s happening on the one week off you have had in yonks (haven’t used the word yonks in yonks to be fair, I enjoyed it).

The thing is, this is an example of expecting ourselves to feel a certain way when actually that expectation might be unreasonable. Yes, theoretically, it should be easier to relax when you aren’t at work or if you are in a nice place with a load of time that is just yours. But since when did brains only work with what is happening right in front of them?

If you have been legging it around for the last few days, weeks, or months, thinking about the things you need to do and how you don’t quite have enough time to do it all, then just because you have stopped, that doesn’t mean your brain is ready to quite catch up with you. It might need a little time to cycle down. If you wake up a few days in a row and you are straight into thinking and action mode, then how is your brain supposed to know that Saturday morning is supposed to be different? A brain doesn’t know what a Saturday is, really.

It might be more than that for some people, too. If you are someone who has grown up with the expectation that you must always be productive, that it is lazy and indulgent to rest, or that you can only chill out once you have finished a bunch of tasks, then the attempt to sit and unwind is going to be a tricky one. It might leave you with feelings of guilt (which physically feel a lot like anxiety).

It might also be that if you tend to deal with worries by keeping occupied and keeping busy, then downtime is when they catch up with you.

Either way, there are reasons why it might not be as simple as: my laptop is closed and therefore I should be feeling as cool as a cucumber.

Being more accepting and understanding of this can help you to work with yourself rather than against yourself. What I mean by that is that instead of sitting there trying to force yourself into relaxation, perhaps you might be able to say something like:

“I am probably going to be a bit tense and anxious for the first part of this time off. What can I do to help myself with that?”

So, maybe you give yourself permission to do some things that are a little more active. That help you get out of your head. Maybe it’s a walk, or getting in the pool, or playing a game. Something sensory is generally best.

And, if worries or tension are still hanging about and you are tempted to berate yourself for not being fully “in the room,” try speaking to yourself as if it’s reasonable instead. To accept that happens for you sometimes, that you aren’t choosing it, but you can choose to be kind to yourself about it.

Thanks for reading. Until next time,

Ted

P.S. Sometimes the very act of accepting that it is happening does actually make it less intense. There’s something about not fighting it anymore, which means it doesn’t feel so loud or so heavy.