Becoming the authentic you: seven simple shifts to reclaim your happiness

The world is full of “shoulds” — from careers to friendships, neighbourhoods to wardrobes. Discover seven transformative shifts to help you tune into your inner voice, work through past wounds, and embrace a life aligned with who you truly are.

By now, it’s likely that your life is layered with “shoulds.” The career you felt you should pursue. The people you thought you should befriend. The neighbourhood you decided you should live in. Even the clothes you were told you should wear. Not to mention the subtle pressures of pleasing the people who mattered most — pressures that now feel increasingly irrelevant.

At this point, your inner voice may either ring loud, coaxing and prodding you to act, or it may be completely silent, locked away or forgotten. Wherever you stand, psychologist Dr Manpreet Dhuffar-Pottiwal outlines seven shifts to help you forge a new, authentic, and happy path.

1. Establish a sense of inner control

“Shift from rigid goal setting to accepting impermanence,” says Dr Manpreet. Life is in constant flux, so the key is to anchor yourself in your values — the ones that truly matter to you.

She highlights childhood interests as a crucial guide. “Revisiting what you loved as a child can uncover unfiltered passions, free from external pressures,” she explains. For example, a corporate lawyer who once loved painting might channel this into mentoring young artists, blending joy with purpose.

2. Embrace resilience and adaptability

Neuroplasticity means your brain can continue to grow and adapt at any age. “Even if you don’t feel as sharp as before, intentional action keeps the brain flexible,” says Dr Manpreet.

She recommends cultivating curiosity and learning new skills — whether it’s a language, pottery, or cooking a new dish. Drawing on the concept of post-traumatic growth, she offers a mantra: “I can rewire my brain at any moment in time; despite the adversity I have experienced.” Resilience isn’t just bouncing back; it’s transforming adversity into opportunity for growth.

3. Regulate your emotions

Grounding activities like gardening or ritualized cleaning help reconnect body and mind. “Engaging the hands and body disrupts rumination and anchors you in the present,” says Dr. Manpreet.

Ritualized cleaning also serves another purpose: easing emotional and generational burdens. Whether decluttering your home or creating tech-free weekends, these practices help release pent-up stress and restore equilibrium. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) can also support hormonal and emotional balance, offering a structured path to calm.

4. Decide on your own priorities

Self-Determination Theory (SDT) highlights autonomy as a core psychological need. “Studies confirm that autonomy and purpose buffer burnout,” Dr Manpreet explains.

Midlife is about making conscious choices that honour both self-care and responsibility to others. It’s a balancing act: caring for yourself, caring for loved ones, and pursuing emotionally meaningful goals — without letting external pressures dictate your path.

5. Let go of grind culture

“Integrate radical rest as a non-negotiable,” says Dr Manpreet. Chronic overwork can shrink the prefrontal cortex, impair decision-making, and reduce emotional regulation.

She urges challenging scarcity-driven beliefs like, “I must work endlessly to avoid poverty.” Using cognitive-behavioral techniques, you can reframe these thoughts and embrace rest not as laziness, but as sustainability. True productivity comes from balance, not relentless grind.

6. Heal old family wounds

Generational trauma shapes much of who we become. Intergenerational healing helps externalize inherited patterns and rewrite narratives. Tools like the Tree of Life, a narrative therapy method, map heritage (roots), strengths (trunk), and aspirations (branches).

Dr Manpreet explains, “This can transform ‘I must hustle to survive’ into ‘I honor my ancestors’ resilience by thriving’.” Childhood passions can also be recontextualized within cultural heritage. A South-Asian accountant she worked with rekindled a love of cricket and created a community league, blending personal joy with collective uplift.

7. Deal with personal trauma

Unprocessed trauma can block authenticity. Dr Manpreet recommends somatic interventions like Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) to process emotional and cognitive blocks.

Rituals can also disrupt negative cycles. “Symbolic acts such as burning financial debt records or embodied practices like traditional dance reconnect you to cultural resilience and create new emotional pathways,” she says.

By the time we reach our forties and fifties, life becomes about sifting through what serves us and what must be processed, healed, or released. Our twenties may have been defined by running from or embracing family legacies. Now, it’s about reclaiming what is truly ours — discovering the authentic self beneath the expectations, pressures, and inherited narratives.

Dr Manpreet’s seven shifts are not a checklist; they are a toolkit. They invite reflection, practice, and courage. They remind us that the authentic self isn’t lost — it’s waiting to be rediscovered, nurtured, and celebrated.

Words: Greta Solomon, Images: Shutterstock