What’s your secret confidence saboteur?

Your secret confidence saboteur often comes disguised as humour – when someone compliments you, do you deflect, diminish or make a self-deprecating joke?

There’s no doubt that being humble, vulnerable and authentic about your faults and failings is appealing, and it may be a key reason that people are drawn to you. But constantly putting yourself down – either in jest or to make yourself seem relatable – also sends a drip-by-drip message to yourself that you’re not enough, or your achievements don’t count.

If the focus of your stories – funny or otherwise – are how you messed up or what went wrong, you’re reinforcing the belief that you’re ‘less than’ and don’t deserve the same recognition as others. Over time, this habit inevitably erodes your confidence from the inside out.

Many of us absorbed the message growing up that being modest makes us more likeable, and its true that arrogance is rarely appealing. But over time, the risk is that putting yourself down gives other people permission to undervalue you too.

Self-acceptance is the foundation of self-belief so it’s good to be aware of your weaknesses and own your mistakes – as long as you also embrace your strengths and talents. You can be modest and humble but also acknowledge your worth and achievements – true humility is about authenticity.

Your next steps

1. Start small – when someone pays you a compliment, resist making a joke and just smile, say ‘thank you’ and stop there.

2. Write down three things you’re genuinely good at and read them aloud to yourself. Notice the resistance – then do it anyway.