Test: What stops you doing Christmas differently?

The invisible force that stops you creating a Christmas you want is your deep aversion to conflict and disagreements. You know emotions can run high at this time of year so your anxiety about everyone getting on can be at its highest. You’re skilled at reading the room, managing others’ emotions and smoothing over potential friction, but what can get lost is your own authentic voice.

Even those who’ve been working hard on sticking to healthy boundaries can find their inner people-pleaser comes back with full force at this time of year. And by constantly prioritising harmony over honesty, you risk your relationships remaining surface-level, and ending up feeling unseen and disconnected from those you care about.

The irony is that the conflict you’re avoiding often builds up as resentment anyway, creating the very tension you were trying to prevent. Don’t forget that at times conflict is essential to allow relationships to deepen and evolve. You might also find that stepping away from peace-keeping and mediating frees up much-needed emotional energy.

Any change in our behaviour means an adjustment for those around us, and people may initially react with surprise or resistance. But in the end, you’re giving everyone permission to be more authentic, and the people who truly love you will recognise that.

Your next steps
1. Swap mediating for pausing and counting to 10 – then watch with curiosity what happens when you don’t get involved.
2. When your energy starts to crash, ask yourself, am I taking responsibility for things I can’t control?