Sometimes We Just Need Someone to See

At some point in the night, our cat Luna caught a mouse.

Actually, two mice, an hour apart.

And apparently catching them wasn’t enough.

She needed me to see.

Now, I can confidently say that at whatever ridiculous hour it was, I would have preferred to remain asleep rather than get out of bed and remove mice from the house.

Luna had other ideas.

There was noise. Insistence. That particular cat determination that said:

You need to come and see this.

And as I stumbled around half asleep, dealing with something I absolutely did not want to be dealing with, I found myself thinking about something rather human.

Sometimes you just need someone to see.

To see what you have done.

To see what you are carrying.

To see what has happened to you.

To see where you are, even when you don’t yet know what comes next.

Perhaps Luna was proudly presenting her contribution to the household. Perhaps she simply wanted attention. I am not going to pretend to understand the psychology of cats.

But I do understand something about people.

You need to be witnessed.

Not watched.

Not assessed.

Not judged.

Witnessed.

There is something deeply human about wanting another person to receive your experience and say, in some form:

I see you.

Sometimes you want someone to witness what you are proud of.

Look what I did.

Sometimes you want someone to witness what hurts.

Look what happened.

And sometimes you want someone to witness something you haven’t even made sense of yet.

I don’t really know what this is. Can you just stay here with me while I figure it out?

Perhaps that last one is the hardest.

Because when you share something unfinished, uncomfortable or uncertain, the person listening can feel an urge to do something with it.

Offer advice.

Reassure you.

Find the positive.

Share their own experience.

Suggest what you should do next.

Fix it.

Usually, it comes from a place of care.

But being heard and being fixed are not the same thing.

Sometimes what you need most is another human being who can stay with you without trying to hurry you somewhere else.

Someone who meets you with positive regard.

Someone who doesn’t shame you, judge you or silently decide who you ought to be.

Someone who doesn’t immediately tell you why you shouldn’t feel the way you feel.

Someone who isn’t listening while preparing their solution.

Someone curious enough to simply ask:

Tell me more.

This can become particularly important during times of transition.

When something changes on the outside — a role, a relationship, a job, a place, a season of life — people understandably want to know what happens next.

How’s the new job?

Are you settled yet?

What’s your plan?

What are you going to do now?

But perhaps you’re not ready for the next question.

Perhaps what you need first is someone to witness where you are now.

Because while everyone else can see the change on the outside, they can’t necessarily see everything shifting within you.

The questions.

The uncertainty.

The excitement.

The grief.

The contradictions.

The parts of yourself you are leaving behind and the parts you are only beginning to discover.

You don’t always need those things solved.

Sometimes you need them heard.

Perhaps you even need to be witnessed before you are ready to move.

It is one of the reasons I believe so deeply in coaching during times of transition.

Not because a coach has the answers.

But because coaching creates intentional space where you don’t have to perform, defend or immediately decide.

A space to notice.

To speak things out loud.

To hear yourself think.

To be curious about what is happening within you while something is changing around you.

And to be met with positive regard rather than an agenda for who you should become.

Because something interesting can happen when another person truly listens.

You begin to hear yourself differently.

And sometimes, when you feel seen by someone else, you begin to see yourself more clearly too.

I invite you to take a moment to reflect

Before thinking about what you need to do next, pause for a moment and notice what might simply need to be heard.

What are you carrying right now that you would like someone to really hear?

Where in your life do you feel truly seen — without being judged, advised or fixed?

Who might need you to listen and witness them, rather than help them find an answer?

Maybe that is one of the most underrated gifts you can give another human being.

Not an answer.

Not advice.

Not even encouragement.

Your attention.

Your curiosity.

Your positive regard.

I see you.

I hear you.

You don’t need to have this figured out yet.

Sometimes that is enough for something within you to begin to move.

As for Luna?

She was thoroughly witnessed.

Her achievements were acknowledged.

The mice were removed.

And I returned to bed.

I’m just hoping her need to be witnessed is slightly less urgent tonight.

 

I’m Sarah Cretegny, an Accredited Transitions Coach. I help individuals, groups and teams navigate real-life transitions without losing themselves.

I’m particularly effective when time is limited and the stakes are high. I draw on evidence-based coaching approaches, strengths expertise and my lived experience of leadership, family life and international living.

I’m passionate about partnering with people to coach their wild — because the world needs more radically authentic leaders, now more than ever.

Based in Lausanne, Switzerland, I coach virtually around the world.

Find my links: https://linktr.ee/discover.your.wild