Test: What stops you doing Christmas differently?

When you’re naturally empathic you can devote a lot of emotional energy to second-guessing what everything is thinking or feeling. Add an active inner critic into the mix, and it’s easy to imagine that others are mentally appraising your faults and failings.

If the festive season means hosting extended family members, you might feel your abilities and efforts are in the spotlight and the risk of being judged goes up. Your response is to spend enormous amounts of mental energy anticipating everyone’s needs and trying to mind-read what they might be expecting from you.

External validation can give you a break from your inner critic so that motivates you to work extra hard in the hope of getting praise or recognition for your efforts. The result can be impressive but it can come at a cost if you don’t enjoy much of the festivities, and end up exhausted.

It’s time to divert some of the focus on what others might be thinking to what you’re feeling, and what you really want. When your inner critic pipes up, remember the voice comes from a place of fear and self-protection, and its predictions can’t be relied on.

We might imagine we can anticipate what other people want or think about us, but we often get it wrong. All we can know with any certainty is what feels right for us, and aligns with our values.

Your next steps
1. If you’re not sure what you really want, imagine the kind of Christmas you’d create if you had a guarantee that no one would judge you.
2. Make a list of your core values then use them as a guide to making choices and decisions.