The Power of Friendship and Self-Love: Reflections on My Journey

In the recent episode of my Mindful Poetic Stories, epsiode 14 entitled, “Real Friends”, I dive deep into the meaning of friendship, reflect on personal experiences, and explore how with self-reflection and self awareness, we can move from self-sabotage into self-love.

I share how the journey of learning to love myself has reshaped my relationships and how you, too, can become your own best friend.

First, let’s define friendship. It’s often described as the emotion or conduct between friends, a state of mutual trust, affection, and support.

A friend, in essence, is someone with whom we share a bond of mutual affection, typically outside of family or romantic relationships. But let’s pause for a moment, does this definition fit everyone? Not necessarily. The beauty of friendship is that its meaning can be personal, evolving, and unique to every individual.

I always said that growing up, I didn’t really have a “best friend.” But that was until 2017, when my father passed away, I had a touching revelation. As my brother’s children, all under 10 at the time, shared something that stopped me in my tracks: they said, “Dad told us that you were his best friend growing up.” It caught me off guard. I was touched by it, but I had never thought about it before.

Then, as I reflected on my childhood, I realised my brother and I, growing up on a dairy farm in Ireland, had shared a special bond. We did everything together, we used our creativity and imagination together finding adventure in the great open space of the Irish countryside, from walking to school to working on the farm together. We had each other’s backs, and in hindsight, I had to admit this was a pretty good definition of a best friend.

This experience reminded me of a valuable life lesson: not to be boxed in by rigid definitions, which can be outdated. Friendship is personal, and its meaning is shaped by shared experiences, mutual support, and deep connections.

The Value Of Old Friends

No conversation about friendship would be complete without mentioning old friends. There’s something magical about the connection with friends from school days. I’m lucky to have a group of school friends with whom I still stay in touch. Even though we may not see each other often, when we do reunite, it feels as if no time has passed. The fun and laughter, the “Do you remember when?” moments, and the unconditional love are irreplaceable.

Old friends teach us something valuable, they love us regardless of where we are in life. Their presence is a reminder of our shared past and the foundation of trust we’ve built together.

As we grow older, however, friendships can sometimes become more complex. I’ve had my share of experiences where friendships changed or ended, often because of external influences. For example, in my late teens, I had a close friend who eventually chose her boyfriend over our bond. At first, I felt abandoned and hurt, but when we did reconnect years later, there were no hard feelings. However, I share on my podcast how this event may have influenced my later relationships.

In another friendship, I experienced a breakdown of trust. A long-term friend, whom I admired, became defensive and hurtful when I voiced my feelings. It was a painful moment of realisation that sometimes we outgrow friendships, or we discover they’re no longer serving us in a healthy way. I eventually had to walk away from that friendship, even though it came with sadness and grief. It was a necessary decision for my personal growth and mental well-being.

For me, one of the key lessons from experiences like these is the importance of self-love and setting boundaries. As I embarked on a journey of self-improvement, I began to realise that I was repeating patterns of behaviour that didn’t serve me. Eventually, I knew I had to learn to put myself first and not sacrifice my wellbeing for the sake of others.

Mental fitness coaching has been crucial in understanding my own thought patterns, emotions, and most importantly the relationship I have with myself.

In Mental Fitness Coaching, I focus on helping my clients recognise recurring patterns, realise which ones are helpful and which ones are harmful, and then helping them reconnect with their true essence, so they can move forward with more awareness and a positive mindset.

This process allows us to let go of what no longer serves us, whether it’s toxic friendships, unhelpful behaviours, or negative thought patterns.

I also share my story on how some people, who called themselves friends, seemed hell bent on pointing out my failings and failures, especially when we were in front of others, and also friends who were there for me when things went bad, but they were not there to celebrate when things were going great for me. What helped me understand this better were two words: Schadenfreude; which simply means pleasure or joy derived from someone else’s suffering or misfortune, and Freudenfreude; which is the opposite, as it’s the enjoyment of another’s success and a subset of empathy.

One might think Schadenfreude is an emotion born out of superiority; however, on the contrary, it is out of inferiority and can also be born out of fear, powerlessness, and/or a sense of deservedness.

What I’ve learned is that friendships are a reflection of our inner world. The friends we choose often mirror how we feel about ourselves. That’s why in my coaching practice, I help my clients understand themselves first, know themselves deeply, and, most importantly, love themselves. By doing so, they can create deeper, more meaningful relationships with others.

A big takeaway from all of this is that true friendship is about mutual respect, support, and understanding. A true friend will celebrate your successes, support you through challenges, and never be afraid of your light.

They will accept you for who you are, without judgment or criticism.

To conclude, I’ll leave you with a beautiful Celtic concept: Anam Cara.  In Irish, Anam means soul, and Cara means friend. Together, they translate to “soul friend”, someone who truly sees and understands you at your deepest level. True friendship, according to the Irish philosopher and poet John O’Donoghue, is a light that flows between people, never severed by time or circumstance. It’s a connection that allows us to be ourselves without fear of judgment, a relationship built on unconditional love, trust, and shared experiences.

As we navigate through life, our friendships can either enhance or hinder our personal growth.

However, ultimately the most valuable lesson I have learnt is that the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. I believe it is that relationship that influences all our behaviours and interactions with others.

By embracing self-love, setting boundaries, and choosing relationships that support our authentic selves, we can create friendships that nourish our souls and elevate our lives. You can read more about this in my blog “The Transformative Power of Self Love”

Remember every day be kind to yourself in your words and deeds, treat yourself with love, and embrace the power of authentic connections.

Your true friends will always celebrate your light.

Your responsiblity to yourself is to never dim it for anyone.

Remember; you would not sabotage someone you truly loved, and you will not self-sabotage when you learn to truly unconditionally love yourself.  It is a journey that will light up your life, from the inside out.

Connect with me if you feel ready for your self-love journey, and would like to benefit from a free 1 hour (no obligation) session, contact me via my website

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