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I don't want to be the 'lonely spinster friend'

Our agony aunt Mary Fenwick offers a new perspective on your challenges and problems

by Psychologies

lost love

I’m 33 years old and my boyfriend of six years has just broken up with me. This is the man I thought I would marry very soon; the man who told me he loves me, the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Everyone around me is getting married and starting families but now I am back at square one suddenly, trying to get over someone who doesn’t love me any more and come to terms with the fact that I will probably never have what my friends have. It’s so hard to meet anyone (though I'm not ready to be with anyone else yet anyway), and I can’t get over the pressure of feeling like I am the one who should be getting married and having a baby. That life seems so far away from me now and no-one understands. I can see I’m turning into the ‘lonely spinster friend’ already and I’m despairing. Laura

I think you’ve written to me when the initial shock of your break-up is still reverberating, and that’s absolutely fine: six years is worth honouring.

Even when that shock has subsided, maybe you will always have a little pang about this man, but I can imagine you at the age of 80, perhaps, saying: ‘I had the most amazing opportunity to invent a new language/sail around the world/launch my own business… and it would never have happened if I’d stuck with that bloke.’

What I am gently trying to say is, who knows what will happen – your future is unwritten, so for now do some sweaty exercise, and get fit for it. 

More inspiration:

Read Breaking up is hard to do by Madeleine Mason on Life Labs

Watch Karen Ruimy on Finding love on LifeLabs

Mary Fenwick is a business coach, journalist, fundraiser, mother, divorcée and widow. Follow Mary on Twitter @MJFenwick. Got a question for Mary? Email mary@psychologies.co.uk, with ‘MARY’ in the subject line

Photograph: iStock

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