My Perimenopause Diaries: I don’t want to conquer the world anymore

Dear Diary,

Happy Menopause Day… today (well, the 18th of October) and every day.

I am so happy… I have completed my first week of The Artist’s Way programme. Although it’s early days (it takes three months to complete), I can already feel the benefits it’s having on my days.

Imagine this: waking up, taking a moment to freshen up, preparing a hot herbal tea (I am drinking roses these days), then writing and writing and writing… one page, two pages, three pages.

I am sure I will expand on this in the future.

So… there is something I want to talk about.

I have been watching some business webinars from brilliant younger women, well-intentioned, purpose-driven women who knew what they were talking about and were sharing powerful messages. Yet, what they said didn’t fully land with me at this stage of life.

If I were in my 20s or 30s, I would have absorbed it almost word for word and acted on it. But now? Right now, I simply don’t have the energy.

These days, I say that if working in a café brought me joy, then that’s exactly how I would spend my time.

But since it doesn’t, I continue doing the work I love with women… work that truly ticks all my boxes: joy, love, service and beauty. If one day it’s written in the stars to fall out of love with it, then I trust I will find love again.

You know what… I have no intention of conquering the world… I have no desire to leave a legacy or awakening humanity. Years ago, I wanted all that, that’s the truth… But now? What I want is to create a beautiful life… a nourishing life, a joyful life, an intentional life, that’s what I want.

If the work I do ripples out to others, then wonderful. If not, that’s wonderful too.

My ambition has, for sure, changed shape, so has the way I do business.

Is that maturity? The result of deep work with sacred plants? Or simply Peri? Maybe it’s all three.

What I know is that one of the invitations of Peri is to discern what’s ours and what’s not. Another teaching of Peri is to be radically honest with ourselves; and with limited energy in our tanks, it forces us to choose.

Right now, I’m still in repair mode after years of… not sure what’s the right word here… mmm… neglect, that’s the one… years of neglecting myself… so much of how I used to show up came FROM love… and many other times I showed up FOR love… and that was exhausting…

I have a personal belief rooted in the philosophy that the body remembers, not just trauma, but experiences, emotions, and rhythms… so I am repairing, and this takes a lot of energy.

Although the messages from those wonderful women weren’t meant for me anymore, that’s so very okay. I’m grateful to have the awareness and the courage to create my own roadmap, another gift of Peri. As I mentioned in my chapter of the book Wise Women Don’t Whisper, Peri helps you become comfortable showing the middle finger to a society that worships linearity, competition, and relentless productivity.

Now, listening to the wisdom of the elders? That’s music to my heart… though, again, not all elders.

By the way, I’ve started reading fiction books again and it feels so good to take a break from non-fiction…

That’s all for now…

Until next week,

Lara 🌹

A loving note: I’m sharing my lived experience as a woman who menstruates, knowing that not all women do, and not everyone who menstruates identifies as a woman. This is not advice or a recommendation. If something here inspires you, please research, honour your intuition, check local laws, and seek qualified professional support. Any brands I mention are simply personal favourites; I’m not paid, gifted or affiliated. If that ever changes, I’ll label it clearly. 🧡