Present beats perfect: 10 years since Bowie’s death, 10 reminders he gave us of how to live curiously

Very near the end of David Bowie’s final album, released ten years ago this month, there is this line:

‘If I never see the English evergreens I’m running to, it’s nothing to me.’
(‘Dollar Days’, Blackstar, 2016)

The idea of the destination not being the point of the journey is one I’d really struggled with. Having a goal and moving towards it, succeeding if you got there and failing if you didn’t, seemed perfectly straightforward and logical. Anything else felt… wooly. A consolation prize. An embarrassed cover-up, like when you tell someone something and they immediately and unpromptedly reassure you that thing ‘doesn’t matter’, and you know they’ve only brought it up because they think it does.

But one of the things having coaching and studying coaching showed me (and continues to show me every day) is that true goals, true destinations, do change with our journey. And – sorry, younger me – the journey will be just as big a deal as any destination. What also became clearer – with every client and with myself, every day – is how universal it is that whoever you see as having ‘got there’, wherever ‘there’ is to you, they will be looking at something or someone else just as you might look at them.

That’s why, if I catch myself not asking for the help, connection or information I want, I always ask myself what’s going on there. Do I perceive that person as ‘ahead’ of me in some way? That reaching out makes me somehow weaker? That they are potential competition instead of potential connection? Every moment of vulnerability has always turned out to be an opportunity for learning, growth and connection. For making my life bigger and my understanding of myself and others bigger. And theirs, too, through me reaching out to them and what they could bring into my life.

In honour of the ten year anniversary of this great album and, two days later, the horrible news that we had lost him, here are ten quotes reminding us our power comes from living the journey not arriving at the destination; from present, not perfect:

1. ‘If I never see the English evergreens I’m running to, it’s nothing to me.’ (Dollar Days, Blackstar, 2016)
   If an artist this recognised and this varied, who prioritised and embraced change and discovery, feels like this, it’s probably okay we do too.
2. ‘So I turned myself to face me, but I never caught a glimpse…’ (Changes, Hunky Dory, 1972)
   We can never see how others see us. Our power is in showing up authentically. How we’re received is not ours to control.
3. ‘And I don’t stand in my own light’ (Word on a Wing, Station to Station, 1975)
   Like the moon does not make its own light but has it reflected from the sun, what we create comes not from or for our own glory but – whether you choose to call what’s bigger than you God or give it another name – recognising you are part of a bigger picture allows you to focus on the message, not obsess about yourself as the messenger. An anthem of gratitude and permission.
4. ‘Something happened on the day he died: spirit rose a metre and stepped aside. Somebody else took his place and bravely cried ‘I’m a blackstar.’ (Title track, Blackstar, 2016)
   It took me a few days to come back to this and see it was exactly the advice I needed. However important or strong an influence we are, our words and not ourselves are what can live on and keep being an influence for good.
5. ‘Don’t believe in yourself, don’t deceive with belief’ (Quicksand, Hunky Dory, 1972)
   Again, allowing ourselves to be messenger for the message and not our ego not an end in itself is infinitely powerful permission. Whether you’re writing, coaching, communicating in any job or relationship, being able to see beyond ‘what does this say about me’ to ‘what is the truth’ allows clarity on yourself and your situation.
6.  ‘And I think my spaceship knows which way to go.’ (Title track, Space Oddity, 1969)
   In the moments we feel we’re drifting, or when there’s nothing left to lose, we can sometimes find our sense of inner direction more truly than ever before. Listening to the self in the silence, instead of filling the silence, is quite the life skill but it gets easier when we sense we have permission. This song has been permission to me.
7. ‘We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when, although I was not there, he said I was his friend’ (Title track, The Man Who Sold the World, 1971)
   The sense of having lost or never quite finding parts of ourselves allows us to idealise past or future versions of ourselves rather than looking into our own eyes now – which is exactly what Bowie’s character does in this song, allowing a sense of authenticity to stretch forward and back through life.
8. ‘Look for the shafts of light on the road… Nothing has changed, everything has changed’.  (Sunday, Heathen, 2002)
   Change is the one constant and rather than avoiding it, consciously allowing yourself to prioritise the changes that fire curiosity is what coaching and creating have at their heart.
9. ‘But her mummy is yelling no, and her daddy has told her to go, but her friend is nowhere to be seen, now she walks through her sunken dream to the seat with the clearest view’ (Life on Mars, Hunky Dory, 1971)
   Another image of when we are most alone, when the path seems least clear, we connect to ourselves and find the way in is the way forward. to find the way forward.
10. ‘Throw me tomorrow’ (Thursday’s Child, Hours, 1999)
    An anthem of moving beyond obeying the rules we swallow when we’re motivated by fear, and how that changes ‘seeing my past and letting go’ when we have something we want as motivation. While in this case it’s romantic love, coaching helps us find many other categories that allow us the courage and permission to step into self-expression and fulfilment.
11. Bonus:
    ‘It’s only forever, not long at all.’ (Labyrinth theme, opening credits 1986)
    We will always be overwhelmed with what we can and can’t do with the time we have. So, as Sarah discovered, one step at a time and not taking anything for granted is the way to where you’re going.

We may never reach the evergreens in the distance – the version of ourselves, or the version of our work, the absolute destination we are aspiring to. But that doesn’t mean the journey isn’t worthwhile, or that we don’t find something just as good or real along the way. The destination may have been the reason to start the journey, but the goal (or our relationship with the goal) will change with every step.

Build creative confidence and beat the inspiration addiction at the Writers’ Gym on any podcast platform or by visiting Writersgym.com

For more about business and personal coaching with Rachel, visit RachelKnightley.com