Overcoming Self-Doubt: A Journey to Self Confidence and Trust

In my latest episode 10 of my Mindful Poetic Stories entitled “Ode to Doubt” (listen here) I share my own story of overcoming my debilitating self doubt, I explore the meaning of doubt, its relationship with fear, how it connects to our comfort zone, and the power of faith, both in ourselves and from others, in helping us thrive.

Doubt is often described as a state of uncertainty or hesitation, where we neither believe nor disbelieve something, according to the Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy, doubt is a suspension of judgment; classically, skepticism has advocated that we doubt either everything, or as much as possible. Whereby, feelings of doubt can be normal and even necessary at times, when it becomes debilitating, it can interfere with our lives.

I do believe there is a lot of negativity and skepticism in our human race, our cultures and our environment, which can inadvertently feed into our self doubt.

Doubt can also be an emotional response: a mixture of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. The presence of doubt in our lives often signals a deeper emotional struggle, one that stems from the fear of making the wrong decisions or not being good enough. I know that was certainly the case for me, that inner judge which told me I would never be good enough.

These emotions, while protective in some ways, can also keep us stuck in patterns that prevent growth, development and fulfilment.

One of the greatest challenges we face when dealing with self-doubt is breaking free from our comfort zone.

It’s a familiar and safe space where we feel secure, but as John Assaraf wisely said, “The comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”, whereby staying in our comfort zone may protect us from immediate risk, it also stifles our creativity, curiosity, and personal growth.

In fact, I would go further and say parts of us, like our imagination, wonder, and even social intelligence, can begin to wither and die if we remain in the safety net of our comfort zone for too long.

When we face doubt, especially after major life changes, it can feel like we’re losing our identity. For example, I once worked with a client who struggled with a role change. She had been a wife and mother, but as her children grew up and left home, she was left questioning her sense of self. This transition triggered doubt and fear, but it also became a catalyst for rediscovery.

These anagrams of F.E.A.R have been helpful to my clients;

‘Forget Everything And Run’
or
“Face Everything And Rise’
The choice is, and always will be, yours.

However, I think it’s helpful to understand and acknowledge that doubt is a part of fear and fear is part of our beautifully designed inbuilt survival instinct which works perfectly if we are atuned to our body, heart and soul.

Fear is often intertwined with doubt, and it’s essential to understand its role in our lives. Fear is not inherently negative; it is a survival mechanism designed to protect us from danger.

Nina Simone once said, “I’ll tell you what freedom is to me, no fear, absolutely no fear,” and I also thought this was the case, however I spent my younger life trying to eliminate fear but now I have come to realise that fear isn’t something we can eliminate. Life without fear isn’t possible, I believe Susan Jeffers got it down to a tee when she said “Feel the fear and do it anyway” and her book of the same name first published in 1987, was a bestseller and translated into 30 languages, I have no doubt it’s profound wisdom changed many lives, including mine.

That is why, as a coach,h I love helping my clients understand self, know self and love self, as it helps the essential process of learning how to manage our fear rather than it managing us.

When fear goes unchecked, it can spiral into anxiety and panic, making it difficult to think clearly or make decisions. That’s when doubt takes hold, feeding on our fears and draining our energy. However, by acknowledging fear and understanding its purpose, we can begin to manage it more effectively. Resilience and self-belief become crucial in overcoming both doubt and fear.

Building Confidence is the antidote to Self-Doubt. Self-doubt often stems from low self-esteem as with it usually comes a lack of self-belief and confidence. These can be developed through working with a coach to build self-awareness. As I discovered in my own coaching journey, taking small steps to build self-confidence gradually helps us release the hold that doubt has over our lives.

In 2009 International Coaching Federation (ICF) undertook a global coaching client study which revealed the top factor for seeking coaching was self-esteem/self-confidence, and the overall positive impact of coaching was also self-esteem/self-confidence.

One of the most powerful tools in this process is the practice of positive self-talk and mental fitness techniques that help us reframe negative thoughts and build emotional resilience.

For me, taking the high road meant choosing to rise above my debilitating self doubt, as illustrated in my poetic story “Ode To Doubt”, I made a declaration to myself that I would no longer let doubt dictate my choices or limit my potential. This personal mission statement, much like the one I discussed in Episode 4, Make your Mark and my blog “Discovering your unique Mark” (read here) helped build an empowering stable foundation for my growth and change.

Positive affirmations are small simple steps we can take which have been proven to motivate us and encourage positive changes in life, and boost self-esteem over time.

While building faith in ourselves is essential, the support and encouragement of others can be equally transformative. In my own life, a turning point came when my nephew, with sincere conviction, told me that he had no doubt I would succeed in whatever I chose to do. His words also became a beacon of hope and empowerment, reminding me that the faith others have in us can also help to ignite and keep alight that belief we need to help us move forward.

Whether it’s a coach, a mentor, a friend, or a loved one, the power of positive words cannot be underestimated. These uplifting messages can help us as we overcome our self-doubt, shift our mindset, and take bold steps toward success.

One of the key aspects of mental fitness coaching is learning how to confront fear and doubt head-on. By developing strategies for self awareness, to manage negative emotions and tap into on our innate inner wisdom, which builds and strengthens our confidence and resilience. For me, it was the real turning point when I started to live my life with more self-empathy, intention and purpose.

As I reflect on my journey, I realise that letting go of doubt was essential to get to where I am today. Holding on to fear and self-doubt keeps us stuck, draining our precious energy. But when we release it, when we choose to take the “high road” as I did in my story, we allow ourselves the positive space to flourish. Trusting in the abundance of this life. Letting go of doubt opens up space for growth, creativity, and new possibilities.

Walt Whitman’s quote, “Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you,” perfectly encapsulates the essence of this journey. When we focus on our strengths and possibilities rather than our fears and limitations, we can thrive.

As I mention throughout my podcast episodes and blogs, growing in self-love is the most stable foundation to live a fulfilled and happy life. So cultivate patience, be gentle and kind and loving towards yourself as you set out on any journey.

Remember, living life to the full without debilitating fear takes courage and acknowledgment that we all make mistakes, but they can help us learn and improve. In fact, we learn more from our mistakes than we do our successes.

Conclusion:
Doubt, while a natural part of the human experience, doesn’t have to control our lives. We can embrace it as part of life, learn to understand its roots, but continue cultivating self-belief, and eventually unlock our true potential. Additionally, the support and faith of others, combined with practices like mental fitness, can provide the strength we need to rise above the challenges we face.

If you’re struggling with doubt and fear, remember, you have the power to choose your path. As the famous quote goes, “The only limit to our realisation of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” Take the high road, face your fears, and rise.

Live your life like you matter, because you are important and YOU DO MATTER

Connect with Patricia for a free 1 hour (no obligation) discover call if you are interested to know more about Mental Fitness and the Journey to Self Love, email: hello@pacoaching.co.uk

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