The Art of Saying Goodbye to Who You Once Were

This process often requires the bittersweet act of letting go of your past self while honouring the journey that brought you here. For me, it is a journey of acknowledging and embracing imperfect progress, with a gentle, loving, positive and patient mindset.

My recent episode 21 of my Mindful Poetic Stories Podcast, entitled “The Old Me Farewell” (listen here), captures the essence of my personal journey of self-evolution and offers insights on how you can navigate your own path to becoming your highest self.

And as my poetic story suggests that when we let go, even of something we know is not good for us, or is no longer serving us, it can still come with grief, which we can also acknowledge and process lovingly.

You may have heard the quote: “Your greatest competition is who you were yesterday.” While this does sound uplifting, I’ve come to realise it may not be the most inspiring perspective to have. Here’s why: The older version of you got you to where you are today. When we look at our past selves as inadequate or “not good enough,” we can create negative energy within us, the competitive attitude can create self-criticism and judgment, which can potentially become a barrier to genuine growth. Also, as I know all too well, comparison is the thief of contentment, even if we are comparing ourselves to a past version.

I much prefer Maya Angelou’s quote; “Do what you can until you know better and when you know better, do better”, which speaks more to the fact that your past self didn’t know any better, and invites a more gentle, non-judgmental “letting go” process. It’s that thought of ‘I made mistakes, certainly, but those very mistakes shaped who I am today’.

So, with acknowledgement and gratitude, I thank the old me for doing the best she knew how to at any given time.

Self-compassion research shows that being kind to yourself about past mistakes actually leads to greater improvement, rather than harsh self-judgment.

When you approach your journey with gratitude for your former self, for the mistakes made and challenges overcome, you create that positive emotional loving foundation needed to truly evolve, slowly, subtly but surely.

It’s about falling in love with yourself unconditionally, with the realisation, an inner knowing, that the best way forward is to let go of the parts which no longer serve you. It is a never-ending journey, a journey with no destination, but one that is very fulfilling and meaningful from the inside out.

However, it is a process that when you are ready to see, you will see, when you are ready to hear, you will hear!

There’s a quote from Marianne Williamson that resonated deeply with me and I’m sure will resonate with anyone on a self-discovery journey: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

his paradox explains why personal transformation can feel so threatening. It goes on to say – “We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ But actually, who are you NOT to be? You are meant to shine! We all are. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

When we cling to old versions of ourselves, we’re literally reinforcing neural pathways in our brain, in feedback loops, that maintain those behavioural patterns. Neuroscience research on neuroplasticity shows that our brains can form new connections throughout life, but we must first release our grip on old patterns.

Think of it like outdated business software. It may have worked brilliantly for one business model, but when your business evolves, or if you change business, that same software can become an obstacle. Similarly, our self-sabotaging behaviours may have once served us as protection or coping mechanisms, but now they are the very internal system which is holding us back from growing and reaching our potential.

True personal evolution involves both letting go and becoming.

5 Signs You’re Ready to Let Go of Your Former Self

1. Your inner critic’s voice is becoming more noticeable, and you are becoming more and more aware of its debilitating nature.
2. You are recognising patterns and realising past coping mechanisms are no longer serving you
3. You crave deeper authenticity in your life, you just know there is more to you than this life you are currently living.
4. You’re drawn to new experiences and perspectives

We all have the light of our Sage within, that wise intuitive self, but we also have a dark side as Lorraine Toussaint wisely noted and, “Most of us go through life avoiding direct confrontation with that aspect of ourselves, in the unseen self. There’s a reason why. It carries a great deal of energy.” She calls this our shadow self.

However, taking the inside-out journey and facing the unseen self and the disowned parts of ourselves is essential for genuine transformation.

The secret I have found is that by cultivating a stable foundation with appreciation, respect and love for self, we can start to integrate (rather than reject) these aspects — and by doing so reclaim energy that can fuel our growth. We can acknowledge and lovingly release the fear, the darkness, and then we have more capacity to embrace and let our light shine even brighter.

I thank the old me for growing from what she went through.

How to Begin Your Own Transformation Journey

1. Identify Your Saboteurs  What internal voices criticise, limit, or frighten you? We call them in positive intelligence, saboteurs, which create self-sabotage patterns often developed as protective coping mechanisms growing up but now prevent your evolution. Name them, and begin to recognise when they’re speaking. Get in touch via my website if you would like to find out more about what your Saboteurs are and to book a free saboteur assessment call with me.

2. Create New Evidence Our beliefs about ourselves are maintained by the evidence we collect. A lot of the stories we tell ourselves are only half-truths, or are no longer true. Start intentionally gathering evidence that supports your new identity and challenges limiting beliefs about who you can become. Remembering it is easier to learn than to unlearn — so concentrate on what you want more of in your life. Remembering the quote; Where your awareness goes, your energy flows.

3. Practice Energy Awareness One of the most powerful coaching questions I have found in my practice is “What is zapping most of your energy?”. Notice what depletes your energy versus what energises you. With awareness, there are powerful clues about which aspects of your identity are aligned with your authentic self and which are not. As Nikola Tesla said, “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.”

Acceptance and Awareness

Before you can transform, you must first fully accept who you are now, including all the parts you wish to let go of. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean resignation, it means creating a stable foundation from which growth can occur.

Buddha taught that “an untroubled mind, no longer seeking to consider what is right and what is wrong, a mind beyond judgments, watches and understands.” Approach your transformation and reconnect to the true essence of you with curiosity, gentleness and understanding, rather than constant criticism and judgment.

As Charles Dickens wrote, “The important thing is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.”

This doesn’t mean abandoning your essence but rather shedding the limitations that have prevented your essence from fully shining. It’s about becoming more authentically you than ever before.

What new version of yourself is waiting to emerge? What part of your former self are you ready to release, so you can shine from your true Sage essence.

I am a Mental Fitness Self-Love Coach with the Coaching R-Framework; Recognise – Realise – Reconnect – Release

This process helps you to understand, know and love yourself like you were never taught to do growing up. You fall in love with yourself so you can become the guru of your own life.

Tune in to my Mindful Poetic Stories Podcast here.