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I love my husband but hate sharing him with his kids

Our agony aunt Mary Fenwick offers advice on your problems

by Psychologies

if your partner has children

I think I have made a huge mistake getting married. I love my husband, but I really don't like his kids and feel like I would rather be without him than share him with them. I have never wanted children and now I feel resentful that they are costing me my hard- earned money and time with my husband. The more resentful I become of them, the more I notice little things about my husband that get on my nerves, and the more I feel like this is not the life I wanted to have. Should I just leave? He doesn’t seem aware of how I feel and I know it would devastate him, but I just feel so lost. Stephanie

I imagine that this was a scary letter to write, and what I’m going to say will also require courage.

There is no way around this apart from talking to your husband. You love him, and it is not possible for him to be happy alongside someone who is feeling like this. You’re in a panic right now where everything is proving the point that you are most afraid of. If you need help sorting out how to talk to him, then you can book an appointment with Relate on your own.

I’m sorry but it really is that simple. You need to talk to your husband.

The only mistake would be if you’ve married someone you can’t or won’t have a conversation with. Everything else is negotiable. 

Mary Fenwick is a business coach, journalist, fundraiser, mother, divorcée and widow. Follow Mary on Twitter @MJFenwick. Got a question for Mary? Email mary@psychologies.co.uk, with ‘MARY’ in the subject line

Photograph: iStock

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