1. Forget about perfect technique
‘One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking they need to learn new techniques,’ says Lousada. Sex isn’t about what you do; it’s about how you feel. Notice what you feel like doing in each moment and see how your partner responds. If their arousal seems heightened, you’ll sense it and can continue. If not, try something else.
2. Trust your Erotic Intelligence (EI)
EI is the art of allowing intimacy into our lives. ‘It’s the part of us that knows when to say yes or no to sexual energy,’ says Mazanti. ‘It allows us to access deeper intimacy with someone and lets us know when to open up, to stay more withdrawn, to move fast or slow down.’ Keep listening and trust what your EI is telling you.
3. Stop thinking, start feeling
Our minds can get in the way during sex. ‘Many people get stuck in the mental image of what’s going to happen next, which takes them out of the connection with their partner,’ says Lousada. If you notice you’re thinking rather than feeling, switch your attention back to your body.
‘Real Sex’ by Mike Lousada and Louise Mazanti (Hay House, £12.99)