Every other week we hold a twitter chat where your questions are answered by experts. This week, our advice columnist Lucy Beresford was answering your dilemmas. You can read what she said below.
Hi everyone @LucyBeresford here. I’m going to be answering your tweets and Facebook #dilemmas for the next hour. Here we go…
Ali Crowe asks: For 6 years I’ve been trying to work out what to do career-wise. It’s the worst feeling and stops me setting goals. #dilemmas
Ali – you sound stuck. Focus on what you loooove doing. Don’t see it as a new career step just yet, just enjoy the experimenting process, this way you take the pressure off, but still open yourself up to new ideas, new people, new challenges.
@BasilCat123 asks: I analyse everything – it’s stopping me moving forward. Do I have OCD or am I scared of failure? How do I stop? #dilemmas
@BasilCat123 Over-analysis can be a defence so you may be afraid to fail. Challenge your thinking about failure. What’s worst that could happen?
Rosie Wyatt asks: I get anxious during change. I started mindfulness meditation but have had a reaction as it is different. What do I do?
Hi Rosie – You’re not alone – change unsettles most of us. Keep going with the mindfulness as it’s fab for managing anxiety generally. Also break down the change ahead into smaller ‘units’ so that it seems less like one enormous change, less threatening.
@lifeinsomniac asks: Struggle finishing anything and procrastinate with everything, not sure what to do to fix it, hope you can help.
@lifeinsomniac Focus on making your goals manageable, and set realistic deadlines – even if it’s one hour or one day #makeithappen. Mindful meditation can be great for teaching the mind to concentrate. Start with only 10 minutes and build up. Your fears of failure or of finishing things are what you need to explore and conquer. Ask yourself where they might come from
WS asks: A close family member whose family I am staying with tried to physically harm me. I have nowhere else to live and keep on avoiding them because I am scared. I exercise and see a therapist but it’s not enough. #dilemmas
WS – You don’t say how old you are, but do try to strengthen your support network whether at school or work so u have folk to start to confide in.
SB asks: I am unemployed and applying for jobs. In 6 weeks to 3 months I have an op and will be recovering for 2 months after that. Should I tell new employers? If I tell them at interview stage I probably won’t get the role #dilemmas
Hi SB: I reckon honesty is always best policy; new employer would feel annoyed if u withheld important information. You can still wow them at interview with your passion for their company and how much you want to work there and how you hope they can be flexible.
@BubblyT asks: My Uncle’s wife died this morning. It’s his first night alone tonight. I live 200m away. He says he doesn’t want to trouble anyone to stay. When I offered to go and stay, I heard him say to someone ‘don’t like to refuse’ so I don’t know whether to go or not. Other relatives up there, but no one staying. Feel guilty if I don’t but don’t want to intrude when he may want to be alone? I’m torn
@BubblyT I’m sorry to hear your aunt has died. He’s still processing what has happened to him. Don’t rush him into anything. You could go and stay in his area rather than with him so you’re not imposing. But he might want space to process this bereavement
ReT asks: I went out with a guy who triggered anorexia in me. Now I’m recovered I want to get back with him but parents disapprove #dilemmas
ReT: Freud talks of the Compulsion to Repeat. Familiar situations make us feel safe, even if they’re unpleasant. Why do you want to return? Do you love him? Do you hope to re-trigger anorexia? Or do you want to prove you’re conquered it? Defy parents? What’s going on here?
@Farzane86227 asks: How do I stop over thinking? #dilemmas
@Farzane86227 It takes practice, because the brain is meant to think! Throwing yourself into a new activity can calm the mind down a bit
@syrupie asks: Disabled Grad – counseling degree. Hist of mh issues. Stuck as to a career. Thanks #dilemmas
@syrupie Think what you’d love to do. What turns you on? Might not involve your degree subject. And list out your talents; brainstorm. Identify ways of working day by day towards your goal. Slowly but surely, you can #makeithappen Then it’s your self-belief you need to work on. Others are inspired by you. You can do this
Nadia Naddia asks: I always feel low after some time with the same routine and people. How do I stop that? #dilemmas
Hi Nadia Naddia: You could be in a rut, or in toxic friendships. Do an audit of your life. Be selfish: choose things you love to do and only see people you want to be with, who nourish you and fulfill you. New hobby, to get some feel-good vibes whizzing round your system?
Am signing out now. Thanks to all of you kind + brave peeps for sharing your #dilemmas, thoughts, ideas + wisdom with me @LucyBeresford
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