I’m 30 and I’ve been living in the UK for five years, but I’ve reached a turning point. The rest of my family is in Australia (my sister is about to have her first baby and my parents have both had health problems recently), so I feel a strong pull towards home. But at the same time, I love my life here: my job’s going really well, and I’m in what could be a serious relationship (which is a big deal for me). I’m feeling pressure from both sides and don’t know what to do.
Lucy Beresford replies: Where do you want to call home? It’s a question many people ask, and not just those born in one continent but living in another. Could you ever see yourself living permanently in the UK, or do you currently call Australia home because you’ve always imagined returning there one day? Why, for that matter, did you leave? Concrete questions like these will help you build a profile of how you feel now, and what’s important to you in the longer term. For example, I’m picking up some nesting vibes from you, so maybe you’re starting to ask yourself where you want to raise a family.
If you believe your relationship to be serious, you will need to talk to your partner about the pull of family. Your partner may secretly long to live abroad and jump at the chance to go with you. Or maybe not. These conversations may help clarify matters.
But when faced with an apparently insurmountable emotional dilemma, it’s often best to do nothing until the decision becomes more of a no-brainer. Take a bit of time on this one, don’t rush, and maybe test the water (with or without your partner) with an extended trip back home to see how reality stacks up against the long-distance fantasy.
What would you do in this situation? Add your comments below.
Send your dilemmas to dilemmas@psychologies.co.uk
Comments