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what was the point?
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  • Anonymous
    01/07/2008 3:51 pm | Subject: what was the point?

    I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 and a half years we have a fantastic relationship even though it has had its fair share of ups and downs he is from a middle eastern background. we have been living together for 2 years and last year we moved to a new place together so that he could go into a business and it meant I could go back to college to study and he has supported me financially and in so many other ways. It meant moving away from my friends and family and giving up my job but im more than happy as I love him so much, like I said we have had our ups and downs and I went through a bad patch a few monthes ago where I was really insecure in the relationship and just had it in my mind that it wasnt going to work and that he would end up marrying one of his own someone from back home, but he assured me that its me he wants and that if i carried on with these stupid thoughts and my behaviour was awful at the time that if I didn't stop acting like this then it wouldnt work so I went to a coach NLP and even though I couldnt see how it was helping it was and i now feel back to myself and now deal with things differently and the last few months things have been brilliant we get along so well and we both are very loving and show lots of affections to eachother and look after eachother. I have visited his family back home and his mum has been over to stay for a few weeks and we have just had his brother over to visit for the weekend and everything seemed fine. We got home and he said I love u ur so perfect and the things u do for me the way u love me and take care of me and all u have given up to be with me it just overwhelms me and I love u but I feel guilty that we have been together for 2 and a half years and im still unable to take it to the next level (marriage) so I said look I know how u feel about getting married and that u will only do it when u are ready and im fine with that, I would rather us get married because we both want to not because we have been pressured into it, so that was that but then I thought he already knows that I know that it will only be when he is ready so why when everything is going so well would he bring this up I feel like he is trying to hurt me or rock the boat!!! Now today I just feel so upset and that my dreams have been shattered!! and of course im reading too much into it. he said that he knows its me he wants to be with and he loves me but he doesnt know when he will be ready to marry me i am 28 this month and he will be 32 in a few months, what I dont want to happen and ive made this clear to him is that in a few years i want to have children I don't want to go another 2 years then for him to tell me its over then it may be too late for me to have children on the other hand I dont want to be with anyone else. He doesnt make sense as it was only last week that he offered to buy me a business near by so if he is willing to do that then he is thinking long term and he thinks we do have a future together but he is scared of getting married!!!! why???? Im so confused.

  • janey
    10/07/2008 2:26 pm | Subject:

    Hi, I wonder why you took your boyfriends honesty for meaning that he never wants to marry you? Is this what he really meant? From your posting it sounds to me like he was trying to be open and positive and he was saying that he appreciates all that you've sacrificed for him but at the moment he still wasn't ready to marry you. Are you sure that he was deliberately trying to hurt you? I'm just wondering...if my partner had said those things I would be thinking, well at least he's honest (and I really do respect that in any relationship) Just a thought...maybe you do need to sit down and discuss this with him, coz everything else you say about your relationship says to me that he wants to be with you long term, but I wasn't there when you had that conversation, so I could be wrong. Check it out with him would be my advice.

  • Anonymous
    28/08/2008 11:37 am | Subject:

    Buy a copy of 'the rules'. Best not to live with a man you want to marry - is one theory anyway!

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