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Too comfortable, too soon
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  • ktc
    31/07/2008 2:35 pm | Subject: Too comfortable, too soon

    I’ve just started seeing someone who I do enjoy spending time with, but everything feels like it’s moving too quickly. We seem to have settled into a comfortable routine of staying in and snuggling on the sofa and we haven’t even slept together yet. It all feels a bit strange. I wasn’t immediately attracted to him, but my feelings have been growing. I just don’t feel as excited as I did in other relationships at the beginning. There are things he does that make me cringe, but only slightly! He’s funny and sweet, and is certainly keen, which I’m not used to. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I’m not sure if I’m just being silly and should carry on seeing him. There’s definitely something holding me back.

  • clarity
    07/08/2008 1:28 pm | Subject:

    There is so much content to your message that I need to break it down a bit if thats ok. If I understand your message you seem to be saying that your relationship has moved quickly to the "comfortable" zone and yet you haven't been intimate with each other. You say in your message that something is holding you back - do you mean that something is holding you back from being intimate or that something is holding you back from enjoying your relationship? You also say that you weren't immediately attracted to him - how did you start going out with him? What prompted you to start dating him if the physical attraction wasn't immediately there? You say that he is keen and that you are not used to that - what have your previous relationships been like? How does this relationship vary from previous experiences and are you different in how you behave with this guy compared to previous men you have gone out with? Sorry to ask so many questions but I think your message has lots of small but very intriguing comments which could be telling you more than you realise if you could give it a bit of thought. "I just don’t feel as excited as I did in other relationships at the beginning." I have been there too - I've had the experiences of feeling excited and nervous and waiting for the phone to ring and I've had the experience like you of enjoying someone's company but wondering if everything is as it should be when I feel no real thrill. The relationship that has lasted for me was one that started somewhere in the middle - I had the excitement of knowing I would be seeing him but not the anxiety of wondering if he would call; I had the enjoyment of being able to stay in and watch a movie at a very early stage of the relationship without feeling like we had skipped some of the fun stages and got old & boring!!! Relationships form in many different ways - some with a bang and a real explosion of passion; others with a slow simmer. There is no right or wrong way and only you can know how that person makes you feel - the key thing is not to make a decision without working out what is behind your feelings and concerns. Give the questions I pose some thought and let me know what you think. I'm happy to help if I can. Sally

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