I’ve been trying to get pregnant for almost eight years. It’s put a lot of strain on my marriage, and I ended up in bed with someone from work. Now I’ve discovered I’m six weeks pregnant. I don’t know whether I should get rid of it, and risk never having a child, or let my husband believe the baby is his.
Lucy Beresford replies: For me, there is only one answer here and it’s the one you don’t raise, which is to tell your husband the truth.
Honesty is always the best policy. It is often the messiest policy and can be painful but, ultimately, the truth will out. Whether it’s from your guilt, or the possibility that the baby might look different from your husband or have a different blood group, you owe it to the man you are married to to tell him the truth.
So I wonder why you didn’t mention it as an alternative? I was struck by your phrase that you (singular) have been trying to get pregnant, as if your husband has played no part in this. What with your work sex, and your self-identified options of either a secret abortion or living a lie, you seem very detached from your husband and very skilled at secrecy. If your marriage has been under so much strain that you fell into the arms of a colleague, it sounds as though there has been a major breakdown in communication, which in itself needs to be addressed.
Marriage guidance counselling might be an option here. It will provide a forum for you both to work through existing tensions. And it will also provide a safe environment to cope with the emotional fallout that will come from your imminent revelations.
What would you do in this situation? Add your comments below.
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