I’m a 36-year-old man, and I still get extreme homesickness. It went away for a while, but now I’m married and have a young daughter, it’s become really bad. Whenever I have to go away without them, I get anxious pangs, and feel like crying if I think about home. Travel is an unavoidable part of my job, and I don’t want to ruin my career just because I’m homesick, but I don’t know how to stop these feelings.
Lucy Beresford replies: Homesickness is part of a phenomenon called separation anxiety. It’s about feeling insecure when away from a familiar environment. There are two ways of tackling this: exploring your feelings, and taking practical steps to take home away with you. I’d recommend having some therapy, which can help you trace emotions from childhood and work on any abandonment issues. This might not be viable with your travel commitments, but you could usefully have some conversations on your own about this topic.
Try to identify your greatest fear: is it something happening to your loved ones, leaving you bereft? Or is it about something happening to you, leaving them bereft? And what is the actual feeling you get when you’re homesick: is it dread, abandonment, guilt, or something else? Once you’ve identified the feelings, you can comfort this anxious side of you while gently challenging it with the ‘adult head’ of reality.
Practically, you can schedule in specific times to be in touch, by phone, email or Skype, which can provide a structure within which you can contain your feelings. And maybe take something away with you that will help you feel connected with home and therefore less insecure.
What would you do in this situation? Add your suggestions below.
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